General Chat

hmmm, a nice crocodile skin handbag- 300 Euros....wwwwoooooooooo!! and a nice cuddle from me....and maybe Johnny if your lucky!!! EM

HI all sorry im late, i have been entertaing Johnny....Bingo will be held probably at 2.00. Steph EM

Morning, one and all. Had a great night sleep after popping those pills given to me by Dr. I'm never touching another drop of that brandy stuff, couldnt remember a darn thing. Have I missed breakfast or has anyone saved me some? Lady M

Ooh I have a headache. Coffee needed in huge quantities. Maggie

Good moning campers!! just to let you know something before I retire for the day (and the sun comes up) Last night, during my travels I came upon an old friend - Archie Trimbull - well, Archie and me go back a long long way, in fact if I remember rightly he was the first one to introduce me to "transfusions". Seems like he's got involved with a rough lot and is now forced to walk forever looking for a certain item - poor old sod really doesnt know what century it is - he was wandering around the galley looking for a pot to put his peas in (well, that's what it sounded like!) Look out Fat Lady and Sassy Cook - if you see Archie - he can appear a bit frightening but really he's just a daft old ghost with no place to go - he is partial to Hob Knob Biscuits though, so if he gets onyour nerves just lob him a packet and he'll wander off to bother someone else. Night night all - off now to recoup my strength. Jac the Drac ps Fat Lady the offal was lovely, but could you please put a little less garlic in next time - it turns me tummy a bit - thanks very much for the thought (see I'm trying to be nice to you)

Whats Up Doc? Yes could we advertise for extra personel during my shift (Midnight - 7am GMT). It get quite lonely during my shift. I will have to return to civvy life September 7th, so my shift may vary at that point. SASSY

Dr Jenny, I pwomise. I weally, weally, pwomise. And black widow says she won't ply me again. Security has passed out on the deck. Not that I'm telling tales or anything. Gwynne

Before I retire for the day (evening) a couple of messages: ADMIRAL Do you think it may be a nice idea to have an "Admirals Gala Dinner" one evening? On the cruises that I have been on they are a huge success. Maybe talk to Fat Lady about it. If she is willing we can both plan a menu. DOCTOR LEGS Can you find someone to work in the evenings with me, Its a bit scarey around here at night by myself. Maybe you can advertise for someone on Pacific Standard Time? COOK BOSS I hope that you are happy with the way things went while you were away. Maybe you and Boris would like to pop down to my berth to have a drinky poo and get to know one another. Do you want me to bring salmon with me later on in the day? I have a line on moose and elk too. MAGGOT Could you please hold a seance to find out who my visitor was during the night? EVERYONE ELSE Good sailing. I hear the weather is going to turn nasty. Keep your eyes open for our resident ghost! SASSY COOK

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOh, That just confirms what I've always thought. Cooking is bad for your health. I avoid it as much as possible. If it's the ghost of my cousin (five times removed) John Walford we could be in trouble. He was hanged for murder. See you in the restaurant, Black Widow, Gwynne

Gwynn and Black Widow I must tell you something VERY eerie happened last night whilst I was alone in the galley. I was boiling the eggs for breakfast, when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a glowing figure. I turned around and it was a GHOST. It said that it was one of our ancestors and had come to find us! Admiral had better hurry up and find me working companion for the graveyard shift. I'm so scared.

Morning Black Widow, Welcome back aboard. Please don't ply me with more drink today. I got in the most dreadful trouble with Jenny yesterday. And David was after me with plum jam and a wheelbarrow. Care to join me for brekkie? Or perhaps you ought to shower and change first. Seaweed is not a good look. Gwynne (fashion police, teacher, director of panto, guardian etc etc)

Good Morning Black Widow, We have been frantic since you went overboard! Welcome back! I can send breakfast to your cabin if you wish. (Dont tell the head cook) - I will cook you whatever you want. You deserve it after what you have been through.

Sorry, Deborah, "morning vision and confused mind" The elf refuses to leave my side since an unfortunate incident early in the voyage which left him trembling and wailing. There are certain "ladies" on board who could explain, if you get my drift. He took up residence in the wardrobe for a while but will now leave the cabin as long as he is padlocked to me. And he has his axe and his bow about him at all times. I'm getting used to it now but the elvish songs are a bit hard on the ears. Where is everyone? Time for brekkie, Gwynne (teacher, director of panto, guardian of the elf)

Good Morning Gwynneth, This is Deb - AKA Sassy the assistant cook. Chef will be away today due to a very important meeting. She has left me in charge of getting breakfast ready and also preparing the lunch menu. Breakfast is now being served on deck 9 next to the pool. Are you sure that the elf is with you? SASSY

Hello Joanne, Yes Legolas is here and Mr Clooney (Handsome Prince in the panto). I'm not taking any nasty tablets with or without sugar. What time's brekkie? Gwynne

Good Morning - YAWN I hope that you had a good sleep. Is your elf with you by chance?

*Peeps from under tarpaulin* It's very cramped here in the lifeboat. Is it safe for us to come out yet? Isn't that security collapsed on the deck surrounded by empty bottle? Gwynne

GOOD MORNING fellow crew members and guests. It is 6am and breakfast is now ready, per the orders of COOKIE. She has an appointment today, so she has left things in my hands, (I think its a test to see if I can cope!) Crew members you know the drill for food. If the paying guest would like, I can either have your meal sent to your cabin by one of the peons (we must find some) or I have arranged a breakfast buffet on the upper deck by the pool. The weather today is calling for rough seas. Doc. Legs - get the sea sick pills ready. SASSY - Assistant cook I shall be getting the luncheon prepared in the galley if anyone needs me.

While everyone is tucked up snug in bed I'll give you the luncheon menu for tomorrow (as instucted to by "THE BOSS") WEDNESDAY LUCHEON APPETIZERS Asparagus with Prosciutto Ham Grapefriut Sections with Green Grapes Apple Juice Fruit Punch SOUP Chilled Mellon Bisque (as its hot outside) SALAD Hearts of Iceberg lettuce with shredded carrots Blue Cheese or Fat Free Champagne and Mushroom Dressing HOT ENTREE Tortellini Calabrese (pasta stuffed with cheese in a basil and tomato sauce, topped with tempura fried zucchini) DESSERT German Chocolate Cake Pineapple Sherbet BEVERAGES Freshly Brewed Regular or Decaffinated Coffee Assorted Teas Milk Soft Drinks BOSS - Does this meet your standards? I will be down in the galley for the rest of the night preparing for breakfast. If you want anything let me know SASSY - AKA Assistant Cook

Hey FATSO ...oops FAT LADY COOK. Would you please set out your "Guidelines" for me. It sounds to me that you don't love me anymore. Maybe we could have a cook off to see who is the best assistant? But can they sing? I have decided to retire as the Karaoke entertainer for now, but can not control occasional outbursts of my beautiful voice. Do you want me to bring some Wild B.C. Salmon with me tomorrow? Sassy - AKA THE Assistant cook