General Chat

After I put my kids to bed tonight my 3 year old kept coming downstairs for no reason so for nearly 2 hours I kept taking him back to bed (my hubby works until 10.30pm so it's up to me to sort it out). By the umpteenth time I was stressed at him and did what I don't believe in doing - I yelled at him and carried him up and plonked him back in bed crying! I came down and he must have gone to sleep but I felt really guilty. I've just gone up and sure enough he's fast asleep. I knelt by his bed and kissed him and told him I love him. I felt really bad about losing my temper. He's always been a great sleeper until the last couple of months. I'm hoping once he starts nursery school in a couple of week all this up and down will stop! Any advise! Joanne

I feel for you... I had this from my 3 yr old starting in November last year, what we ended up doing was putting him in a room with his sister, it certainly worked, after putting him back to bed about 50 times a night, it just didnt work, he wanted company. He has now gone back in his own room but has to have a light on and the door open.

I think sometimes you have to do it. I have had the same with my two year old- she always has been a bad sleeper, after a particularly bad phase last year we had not had a full nights sleep in about three months and were like zombies, we tried the 'tough love' approach and left her to cry in her cot- it only took about two nights for her to get the message, on the third night she slept through, as waking up was no longer fun. Every now again her sleep pattern gets bad again and we have to get tough once more- it is hard but please don't feel guilty- we are all human and things get on top of us- even mummies!! Your son probably won't even remember in the morning.

Don't worry to much, if the mums on here were honest we could all admit to doing something similar. None of us are perfect. As long as your little boy knows he's loved that's all that really matters. It's the hardest job in the world, bringing up children don't forget. Jo.

Don't worry Joanne, I am sure we have all done this at some point - we are only human! By tomorrow, after a good nights sleep, he probably won't even remember it. Don't be so down on yourself. Motherhood is a hard job and no one gives us a manual!! Best wishes, Carol.

I have two boys, now aged 12 and 10. The 10 year old has until recently been a docile lad, and would go to sleep no problems. The 12-year-old was a nightmare! Lovely during the day, but fidgetty & restless at night. When he still had a daytime nap I used to take him up and plonk him in his cot then go downstairs and ignore the screams (much easier in daylight than at nighttime). Once he was really yelling. I went into the kitchen and put on the washing machine to drown out the noise. After a bit it was quieter. I went up to him and he was sitting with his legs dangling through the bars of the cot, his head leaning against it. I gently moved his head away and there was a huge red mark where he'd been leaning! I often felt I was a "bad mother" and guilty for feeling cross when he wouldn't sleep. It was only when the second one came along and slept that I felt it wasn't just me. Now the 12 year old is often still awake when I go to bed and he still manages to get up & sort himself out for school. He just doesn't seem to need sleep like I do! nell

i can agree with helen my 18 year old was a nightmare for sleeping and didnt sleep through the night till she was nearly 5. it got that if i had a nights sleep i felt like nothing on earth the next day. my body got used to getting up through the night. our son came along around the time daughter slept through. ironic you may think,but son slept from 4 weeks old, he would go to bed at 7ish through to 6am next morning, of course i was up all through the night checking him. couldnt believe a child would be so contented. now they are 18 and 13 our son will stay up playing on playstation when im asleep and daughter will slepep as much as she can.

Thank you all for your replies. It's always reassuring to hear that things are 'normal', especially where parenting is concerned. My son slept through at 6 weeks and has been brilliant since. It's only the last couple of months he's been like this. My 15 month old is a dream! He slept through at 4 weeks old and in the past 14 months has only woke up ONCE through the night!! I guess I couldn't get away with it for too long :) Once again, thanks for all your replies and words of support. I appreciate all of you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. Joanne

Joanne I'm a mum of 6 from two marriages, my eldest 3 ar 2 girls and a boy 27. 24, 21, my younger 3 are 13, 11, and 9, something the older ones tell the younger ones when i tell them off or chastise them, Does mum love you?? YES, how do you know???????tell's us........so if she's telling you it's for a reason, listen and learn and you wont get told off. How proud of my older 3 do you think i am. Telling off is ok, but alway's let them know you love them,( ie wait for a while, call them and tell them the reason for the telling off, that take's away the hurt and give's them the security they need Shan

Joanne, is he due to start school?????????? if so maybe it cause he's gonna miss mum..... Shan

My little boy slept really well as a baby but when he was at the toddling stage he just never wanted to go to bed. He would want to play at 1 o clock in the morning - needless to say mammy didn't want to play! He's five now and still doesn't need much sleep unlike me. I try to keep to a strict routine bath at 7pm, bed and stories from 7.30pm till 8 then it's warm milk and time to sleep (fingers crossed). I have had times when I have been at screaming point because he just isn't sleepy enough and then felt guilty so we are all the same! Lorrainex

Joanne Parenting is exhausting and demands more patience than a saint possesses! It is also very lonely & isolating at times. I well remember talking to other mums about when we used to go to a mother & baby group on Friday mornings. All the mums would think all the other mums were better and we'd all go home to our less than perfect houses and think it was our fault and that everyone else coped brilliantly. I well remember someone telling me that I was "so maternal" and I thought grimly "not at 3 in the morning I'm not". I was very lucky in that I got looked after by a mum whose chldren were slightly older than mine, so she'd been through what I was going through. She said "you go up and look at your children asleep and they look so cherubic. You think about how tiny and vulnerable they are and how many demands you make on them. You resolve that everything will be better tomorrow. Fresh start. Next morning you are screaming at them like a fishwife because they forgot to tell you they needed their recorder for school!" I repeated this story in her presence to another mum, and she interrupted me and said "No, it's not even the next morning! It's later that night when they wake you up to tell you they've wet the bed!" Her 3 children are perfectly aimable, well-adjusted polite children on the brink of adulthood. There's hope for us all. nell

My daughter now aged 10 gave me hell one night when she was about 2 took her back to bed and plonked her down, but the bed was really bouncey and she hit her head on the wall.....How BAD did I feel! I let her asleep on my lap that night. As long as you love him theres no harm done.

Thanks again for all your messages. My son slept through fine and of course was as right as rain this morning. I explained to him why I was cross last night but he looked at me as if he had no clue what I was talking about (he was only 3 last month). What I forget to mention earlier was that when he came down and whipped the door open it smacked into my face which hurt and didn't make things better! This evening he went to bed and came down a little while after. I told him that if he went to bed and stayed in bed til morning I would take him to feed the ducks tomorrow, but if he came down again he wouldn't be able to go, I'd just take his baby brother. Well that must have done the trick as I haven't seen him since! Being a full time mother certainly is a lonely job as some of you have said and you can't understand that unless you've done it. No other job this important in life comes without training and a manual! Joanne

I think it is harder now as we are all so isolated. Years ago you would probably have had mum, grannie, aunties, sisters, sisters-in-law, a whole range of female relatives all around with children - if you were the eldest your mum would still be bringing up younger children when you had your first. So the examples would be around you. You'd live in a row of houses where you could hear other mums yelling at their children. And the kids would be helping you with your younger ones or out to work by the time they were 12ish. Unless of course you were rich and then you'd pay other people to bring up your children until they were old enough to be packed off to school. nell

Our grandaughter, aged 3, stays over sometimes and it's pot luck if she settles first time! I've even laid on the other bed in 'her' room until she drops off but that doesn't always work - laying there with my eyes shut I didn't hear her creep out - she goes back downstairs and announces to Grandad with a sigh 'Granny's asleep'. Bit of role reversal there! lol Magsx

I agree with what you have all said and just thought I would add this... I have three children and the middle one hardly slept through the night until he was four. We were both exhausted all the time. He was a cross baby, a stroppy toddler and an argumentative child. In between he was lovely and affectionate, did well at school, etc etc. I used to blame myself, worry about everything, wonder where I went wrong. He is now 17 and still cross, stroppy, argumentative and affectionate and guess what? I have finally decided after all these years it's just his personality, different to all of us. People around here still remember his tantrums! Good luck and accept your children for what they are, hard though it can be!!!!

my 18 month old is just the same dont feel guilty about it, just keep pugging along they do grow out of it.