General Chat

That sounds like a good idea, Black Widow! Do want to open another thread, and close this one. I think people have probably seen enough of my threads for now!!!!

who would of guessed it- ive now found myself on an island!!!lol

oh i was there- just invisible!!!! hmmmm sounds intriguing, but who would have guessed it..i am also in Southampton!!!

Well, Steph, depends where you look!!! A few of us, including me, are in SOuthampton, some others, like Dr. jenny, Dame Jean and the Black Widow got a flight courtesy of Jac the Drac, and I think they're now landed in Southampton too. Lindy, the Fat Cook, paddled away on the croc. and is now in the Algarve. What happened to you? Where were you when we were calling names to get on the rescue boat. Manda is still around on the island I think, wiating for the next rescue boat.

afternoon all! yes i know i have appeared from thin air...its these pills i take to stop myself melting, they have actually turned me invisible for a couple of days....how odd!! lol what have i missed?? Steph- Entertainment Manager

HOME SWEET HOME! I wonder what that fanged dried up old prune that wears a cape was on about? Oh! What about that sleezy brothel owner? You should all see Boris, lying on a sunbed with a big grin on his face...hhmmm... Strange that I have not heard the neigbours dogs barking.. Boris wouldn't have...No! ..He only eats fish! Doesn't he?? Lindy back home in the Algarve;-))

Manda, never fear, another boat is coming back to the island, according to Baz, to collect anyone left behind. Of course, the original rescued passengers are now in Southamton, gateway to the world!!! Well, if nothing else, we have access to a computer and this thread. Don't know what happened to that lot we invited for a drink last night, they didn't turn up . . . reckon that Jac the Drac, who was so nasty to our carrier pigeon, has got them all lost at sea again!!! knew she wasn't to be trusted (mumble, mumble!!)

ROW! ROW! ROW! YOUR BOAT! Against all odds we made it to FOGO ISLAND. Come along BORIS...We have a plane to catch back home to FARO airport. Fat Lady (unemployed cook)

I will return and deal with that pidgeon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jac the Terminator

This is the Captain speaking!!!! Is everyone OK - please check the condition of the person next to you, as I am not responsible for their condition!!!! I suppose I should come clean now and tell you that this was my first long-distance flight!!!! Only an apprentice-vampire really, with no previous experience especially on long flights. I do hope ladies and gentlemen that you enjoyed your flight with Jac Airways, have a safe journey home, and in the words of the prophet - if you carnt be safe, be ccareful!! Jac the Drac

(large carrier pigeon flying alongside) SQUAK!!! SQUAK!!! (Loud plopping sound!!!!!!!! drops message wrapped round Garlic Bulb: message reads: "we invite you to join us for a Welcome Home Drink in the Grand Hotel, Southampton"

This is the Captain speaking!!!! will all passengers (even those who are slightly pisssed) please fasten their safety belts; I have spied land to the s.s.east and can hear with my bat hearing the sounds of a multitude of people singing YMCA- we must be approaching civilisation (Or perhaps even Southampton!) To avoid them thinking we are aliens landing I suggest we join in with the words, - all together now I want to be in the YMCA, I wanna be in the YMCAaaaaaay I see a suitable landing sight (well, its actually the car park for the Novo City Nite Club on the Dock Road. but really, who cares?) I'm coming into to land - those at the rear of the cloak should stick out legs NOW (thats you Dr Longlegs, please wake up!!) those in the middle, prepare for a bumpy landing, as my aerofiles are less than reliable (why dont your legs work in sync Dr?) Anyone else still with us, sing "Abide with Me" all 5 verses please. We are going in, we are going in........... Jac the Drac

SQUAK!!! SQUAK!!!! SQUAK!!!!

squak!! squak!!! squak!! squak!!! (circling round)

lack Widow - you did not ask about toilet facilities when you booked this flight. I do hope you are not going to be difficult and insist that I stop en route to the centre of civilisation (Southampton) just to find a bog!!! If necessary, ask Dr to insert a catheter for a short time - at least that will keep her legs busy for a while (although I have always thought that hands would be more useful, but hey! in an emergency, who cares?) Jac the Drac

Because Doctor Longlegs you stretched your leg - kindly keep them tucked in until I tell you!!! So far ladies and gentleman, the flight has been uneventful, (apart from a momentary detour, adjusted now and if the good Dr dares to move one muscle again, she will live to regret it!) I cannot hear the singing from the rear, but as I already know all the words to spoonful of sugar, it will not matter! If you look to your left ladies and gentlemen, you will see what I assume to be Fat Lady Cook, and "friend". Notice the struggling motions as the good lady tries to defend herself from the high waves and yes, I do believe I hear the Du Du Du Du Du Du Du Du of the great white sharks. I would avert your eyes ladies and gentlemen from the sight before you. If you looK to your right, you will see the coast of Africa, and yes, I do believe I sight an argentitian fishing smack (or is it the smell I am aware of?) Onboard are many of our shipmates and colleagues, all of whom left us for dead on that island with no food, and who didnt wake us up to tell us of the rescue boat! Should I call on the services of my friend Thor (the norse king of thunder) and ask him to deal with them? or should I be a kind Drac and merely ignore them and leave them to a 5 day journey smelling of fish, and listening to Huolio Inglasis? Drinks are available from the bar (cloak pocket) and Black Widow is in charge (could you please tie her down Madam Slut) as she is in danger of dropping off! JAC THE DRAC

Hold on then Slutty and Black Widow, some minor adjustments to make to the tail (me trousers actually, as the crown jewels are weighing a little heavy) Are you ready then? Deep breaths, and a good fart might not come amiss as we take off (no need to run Slutty Jean, I have enough aeronautical uplift to take us aloft) Goodbye Island of a 1000 dreams (all of them nightmares), goodbye Sassy Cook - doomed forever to talk to yourself, goodbye Fat Lady Cook - poor demented soul goodbeye, goodbye, goodbye Ladies and Gentlemen - we are now flying at 500 feet, and the wind velocity is 200 mph; we are on a heading for who knows where (as I didnt have time to read the book) but hey, the brandy is available (courtesy of Mel Gibson - I did a really good job there) and the inflight movie will start in a moment - I have decided on Mary Poppins as I like the bit in the chimneys - spoon ful of sugar makes the medicine go down, the medicine go dowwwwwwn the medicine go dowwwwwwn - all together now! Jac the Drac - next stop Southampton, or somewhere close!

BLACK WIDOW - I FEAR THAT THE OTHER PASSENGERS HAVE DECIDED TO WAIT FOR A POSSIBLE RESCUE SHIP! ARE YOU STILL GAME FOR A FLIGHT OVER THE CONTINENTS, BACK TO CIVILISATION (OTHERWISE KNOWN AS SOUTHAMPTON)? I HAVE TO GO SOON OTHERWISE MY UNCLE WILL BE WONDERING WHERE I AM. JAC THE DRAC PS BRANDY IS IN THE INSIDE POCKET OF CLOAK - HELP YOURSELF!

ERR, IT MIGHT BE WISER TO HAVE ONE BEFORE WE GO, BUT NEVER MIND. WHERE ARE THE OTHERS, I HAVE BEEN REVVING MY INTERNAL ENGINE FOR AGES, SO THEY SHOULD BE HERE NOW! JAC THE DRAC

ATTN! ALL THOSE WHOSE COMING ON BOARD, GET ON BOARD NOW PLEASE (INCLUDING DR. LONG LEGS WHO MIGHT BE USEFUL AS AEROFOIL IF THE WEATHER IS CHOPPY OVER THE BAY!) Slutty Jean - as the beg your pardon "largest passenger" you get on the end of the cloak please (the tail end charlie) Black Widow - as the one with the crown jewels, you get in the middle section please (I just hope the jewels are not too heavy, but c'est la vie) Dr Longlegs - you get up behind me, astride the cloak please, with legs ready to bend at a moments notice! That leaves enough room for Fat Lady Cook if we hear from her within the next few minutes (I fear she has lost her reason adrift in the ocean with only a slowly deflating alligator for company - I just hope she is not reduced to drinking alligator pee, as it has the most awful effect on the skin, not to mention the mind!) Once you confirm you are all on board safely, I will begin the accent! AND HOME HERE WE COME! JAC THE DRAC