General Chat

See Below

Extracts from actual letters sent by tenants to various councils and housing associations: (don't think we have had them all before) 1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. 3. ....and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. 4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. 5. My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand? 6. I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall. 7. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house. 8. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 9. Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother....50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy. 10. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers. 11. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. 12. Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not fit to drink. 13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. 14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me. 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it. 18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night. 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. 20. I have had a clerk of the works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction. 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2. 22. My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it. 23. ....and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take anymore. Bob

thank's that put the smile back on my face just what i needed are there any more

That cheered me up Robert.

Robert Hillarious lmao lol sandra

omg they are funny I hav'nt had such a good laugh for ages. Thanks Bob Lynda

Robert, You should issue a Government health warning to people before reading this thread. I have laughed so much I am now crying. I have only read half of them. Leaving the rest until I can breath again. It was worth staying in just to read them. Thanks Jean x.

They are so funny - loved no. 3!!! I remember some headlines from a private eye book that I liked:- Save our trees, they break wind Body in garden is a plant, says wife Bottle of whisky stolen by Gurglar Man found battered to death in chipshop Elf

hiya bob thanks for that sooooooooooo funny pmsl

Genuine contestants' answers from the ITV game show Family Fortunes We asked one hundred people to name... They said... A famous Scotsman - Vinny Jones An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers - A horse A jacket potato topping - Jam A food that can be brown or white - Potatoes A sign of the zodiac - April A job a working dog does - Slave Something with a hole in it - A window Something people might be allergic to - Skiing A type of large cat - Persian A type of record = Floppy disc Something associated with pigs - The police A non-living object with legs - A plant A domestic animal - Leopard Something red - My cardigan A kind of ache (To a contestant who was a SOUP salesman) - Filet-o-fish A food that can be easily eaten without chewing - Err, chips? Something you beat - An apple A dangerous race (i.e. Indy 500 or something) - The Arabs A number you have to memorise - Seven Some famous brothers - Bonnie and Clyde Something that floats in the bath - Water Something you put on walls - Roofs Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate A famous Royal - Mail Something slippery - A con-man A way of cooking fish - Cod A form of transport you can walk around in - My foot A method of securing your home - Put the kettle on Something you do before going to bed - Sleep Something a cat does - Goes to the toilet An animal beginning with the letter B - Bullfrog The last thing you take off before going to bed - Your feet Something that makes you scream - A squirrel Something you have with coffee - The Sunday Sport A song with 'Moon' in the title engine - A bicycle with wings Something with a red light on it - A Dalek Something you open other than a door - Your bowels Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters