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The difference between and woman and a computer A computer does not complain when presented with a 3 and a half inch floppy.

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... (wait for it) (it's coming) (Ya ready?) (don't hate me) (take a deep breath) "He should have quit while he was a head!" ----------------------------- A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting flies" He responded. "Oh. Killed any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone." ---------------------------- A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little annoyed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?" -------------------------------- Tranmere Rovers sign an Iraqi player and his first match is away to Manchester United in the FA Cup. Before the game the manager says to him: "Look, we don't have a cat in hell's chance today, so just go out there and enjoy yourself." But the guy plays an absolute blinder, scores a hat-trick and Tranmere win 3-0. The manager is obviously delighted and is promising the guy the earth as he comes off the pitch at the end. "All I want is to phone my mother and tell her what I've done," says the player, so the call is set up. "Mother, let me tell you about the game!" the player says. "I can't think about football at the moment," replies his mother. "I have some terrible news - your sister has been raped by some British soldiers!" "That's awful," says the player. "There's more," says his mother. "Your brothers went out looking for the soldiers, but they were beaten up and their unconscious bodies dumped on our doorstep!" "Oh, that is terrible!" says the player. "There's still more," says his mother. "Your father went to protest to the authorities, but they accused him of stirring up trouble and threw him in jail!" "Oh no, that's dreadful!" says the player. "But let me cheer you up by telling you about the match!" "I don't want to hear anything about football!" says his mother. "If it wasn't for football, none of us would have come to stay in Liverpool!"