General Chat

my stepdads brother and his wife have arrived from ireland on thursday and they have a good sense of humour about being irish and had us all in stiches about irish jokes ,but could we think of any to tell them so anyone got any good ones

Pilot flying on air Lingus wanting to make an emergency landing. Whats your height and position Im 5ft 6 and sitting in the front seat

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body. "Englishman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector", says the Coroner. The DI is taken to the second dead man. "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." "Nothing unusual here", thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body. "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Irishman, 30, struck by lightning. "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. To which the coroner replies : "Thought he was having his picture taken". Christine

Hi Kylie, Pat and Mick decided to buy a lottery ticket,so between them, they sorted out their small change and bought one. A few days later,they checked their numbers,and found to their delight,they had all six numbers up. Pat,said Mick,What do we do now ? Well Pat said, phone up and ask what to do. OK, said Mick,and then proceeded to phone up. On the other end of the phone,the young woman said to Mick. Congratulations Mr. Murphy,yes you have won the highest payout in history. Mick told Pat,who was over the moon,and already thinking about how he was going to spend his share. Meanwhile,Mick was still talking to the young woman,who then told him,that because the payout was so large,they would have to pay him in two parts,one part now,and the other in 3 months time. WELL, Mick was dumbfounded. If that`s the way you treat your winners, You can stuff your money, I`ll have my F *****g pound back. Good luck, Baz. xx

Hi Kylie, Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The Englishman had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The Scotsman had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The Irishman man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Got to love them Aussie Girls!!! Lindy;-)))

An Irish woman is in hospital after haveing twins she goes into a coma and her husband is out of town on business, when she wakes up she ask the Doctor are my babies ok Yes said the doctor but we had to get your brother to name them, No No please my brother is stupid don't let him name them with that her brother walked in, my God she said what did you call my children He said well the first one was a girl so I called her Denise that's fine she said I like that, good he said the second one was a boy so I called him Denephew Deb.

Kylie, Go to www(.)irishjokes(.)co(.)uk All you need on there Baz. xx