General Chat

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When I was pregnant with my son who will be 1 in December, I spent 3 months prior to the birth in hospital and made a couple of really good pals, all of whom were ill too, and since the babies were born, we've become even greater friends. I had lunch today with one of the girls, who informs me that a recent smear test has shown up cervical erosion which is almost certainly what caused her problems (continuous haemorraging) during her pregnancy and would almost certainly happen in any subsequent ones. She's informed me that she's determined to have Baby No. 2 next year and when I asked her what her hubbie thought about that and the prospect of her spending months in hospital again, she calmly told me she has no intentions of telling him cos he'd put his foot down and she is having another baby no matter what. It's made me feel really uncomfy cos we all socialise regularly. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to look her other half in the face knowing what I know. I haven't mentioned anything to the other couple in our circle but when I told my other half, he said that he doesn't want to see them while she's being such a selfish cow. It's all really awkward. I don't know what to do for the best. Part of me thinks keep out of it but she almost died during the birth and the baby spent weeks in SCBU cos she swallowed so much blood during the birth and I can't believe she'd risk that again just cos she wants another baby. Do I keep out of it or do I tell her hubbie? What's eating at me is that if she does have another baby and something happens during the birth, that little girl will be left without her mummy.

You're all too fast for me!

Your friend hasn't thought it through properly. Can't you gently remind her of the serious risks involved? If she doesn't want to listen, then that's a real toughie.

Alyson, I don`t think I would say anything, it really is her business, although I can understand your concern. I have had treatment for cervical erosion, it was a simple painless procedure, maybe she will be able to have this before conceiving her next child. Frances

Hi Alyson, It is a bit of a situation and by telling you then she has put you in a very awkward position.However,I dont think it is your place to get involved.The best you can try to do is discuss the implications with her and hope she reconsiders.

Yes Alyson, am thinking John's about right, it's certainly a tough one, especially as you are good friends!.

Alyson - what a burden of knowledge you've been given :(( Difficult it may be, but I dont think you should say anything despite the obvious implications if she goes ahead. Your friend should be the one to tell him if anyone does - if you tell him out of concern you could end up losing her friendship and possibly the other lady too - she may see it as a betrayl of confidence. I can understand your dilema tho - sometimes it's not always a good idea to confide things of such magnitude, and in some respects it was a little unfair of her to put you in this position. Talk to her and tell her of your concerns - maybe she will concede to confide in him if she does fall again.

Thanks for all that. I think you're all right and I'll just keep out of it. If it comes out in the future that I knew then I'll deal with that then. I've tried to talk to her about the implications and point out the severity of the situation but her attitude was that she was an only child and hated it and she isn't having that for her daughter whatever the risks so I can't see me getting thru to her. She said the doctor suggested treatment but she's not going to bother with that, she is having another baby next year whether hubbie wants it or not and treatment would interfere with her 'planning'. I think my best move is to keep quiet unless it becomes potentially life threatening and then I may have to re consider. Feel better now I've got it off my chest though!

Alyson - do you think that perhaps your friend is afraid of the treatment and the doctor didn't explain properly that it's a simple, painless procedure? Perhaps you could tell her, as I can't believe anyone would put their own and there babies life at risk just for the sake of having it done. Chrissie

It's possible. I know that after 3 months on that ward i now have a paranoid fear of ever having to go back into hospital for anything. The staff were incredible and I can't fault the care I got but it was so isolating and depressing at times being apart from my other half and my daughter who was only 18 months when i went in. Maybe she's just scared at the idea of being an in-patient again. I'll have to find some info on the treatment and mail it to her, see if I can get her to change her mind.

What good friends do.............. You offer a sholder to cry on. You offer an ear to listen. You offer advice. and in the end you support there desision. Wayne

Wayne You're right. It's just so hard to sit back and not do anything.

Treatment for cervical erosion is quick, ALMOST painless (heavy period pain) and as far as I know, always done in Outpatients - I went back to work the same day. Oh, and I then conceived within six weeks, a much-wanted baby Id been trying to have for eight years! Keep out of it Alison, you cant take the cares of the world on your shoulders, and I do wonder why she wasnt given treatment immediately after the birth. I should think, with her history, she will be offered a caesarian anyway. If she is selfish enough to consider spending another five months in hospital away from the baby she already has, I doubt you could persuade her otherwise.

There is no dilema. You should respect her confidence.