General Chat

does she know that you think her mum is vindictive Elaine? cos if i ever heard my step mum say that or even got the slightest drift that she thought that, i would go for her. Thats why we got in a fight b4, my dad has also tried sayin stuff bout my mum, but i went ballistic!! do you tell her that you love her, no matter what she does, and how she behaves, you will always love her, and that you will always treat her as one of your own??

you know what, kids are kids, sooner or later they need to lern how to share, and sooner or later they need to grow up and realise how they need to behave. When was the ;last time you saw your step daughter Kylie? do you ever speak to her on the phone or anything? xx

Diana My stepdaughter is nearly 21 and still thinks I shouldnt have her dad! ( even though none of us own him lol ) Its a case of...mum dont want him but ill make sure he dont have anyone else. (her mum is vindictive...a really sad woman) E x

Sorry but my sympathies are with Kylie on this one. Like Kylie, I knew that step daughter was a part of his life. I included her in everything, never saying a cross word about her mum in front of her (despite her mother sending her to us on visits wearing clothes 2 sizes too small...trying to make us look fools when we took her out.)...(.yes she did have nice clothes at home, whenever she needed them hubby would dig his hands in his pockets) Hubby knows my views about step daughter. He knows how much she has tried to split us & has told her it wont happen. The only differance is that shes nearly 21 now not 13. If she had lived with us still under the influence of her mother, im in no doubt that we would have split in the end, pressure at the time was too great. However if her mum had died I would have welcomed her into my home., As im sure Kylie would The differance now is that Kylies stepdaughters mum is still there and looking after her.So she has her mother to live with. Talk about being jealous and unsharing.... On our sons first xmas, my stepdaughter spent all xmas with us. The first time since we were together shed stayed xmas day. (her mother wouldnt let her stay xmas day ever before kyle was born) I have a photo of her looking really cross. The reason we were allowed to have her? Because she thought she would miss out on something! She was 11 1/2 at the time. Elaine x

I added this an then deleted it but it's true so i am putting it back.... I for one remember competing with the children as to who would be the most important.... and they won every time as i was being ridiculous.... I was the adult and should have realised that all they saw was this chick coming in to steal their Daddy!!

My step daughter was so unhappy at the thought of having to live at home she put herself into CARE!! Yep she spent 9 vital months at the age of 15 in CARE.... it was her choice but I know she wouldn't do it again. Don't force the kid to make a coice she will later regret.... let her get it out of her system..... they just want to be loved the same as we do, they just haven't learnt how to show that without appearing evil yet!!

Kylie it may not be what you want to hear, but she is your hubby's daughter and if she wants to live with her dad for whatever reason, she should be able to, it might turn out that after a couple of weeks she wants to go back to mum, and as Diana said how would you like it if the role was reversed and you were told no your kids can't live with you, and you were put in the position of choosing between your partner and your children. Being a step parent isn't an easy job, but niether is being a parent, and when you met hubby you knew he had a child, would you rush with open arms if her mum had died ?? or say tough luck i don't want anything to do with your past. I don't wish to cause you offense, i have been a step parent, but as the adult you are being selfish, and if you choose not to stand by your hubby, you will bring problems to your marriage in my humble opinion. take care and i hope you make the right choice, for all involved. sandra

Yeah it does sound like she is put out cos another baby has come along! I have younger brothers and sisters but my mum, stepdad, stepmum and dad, have all loved us the same. Is she asking to move in with you for good then?? Maybe a holiday for her is good, but to move with you permanently will mean that yes, she will have to share, and she better start learning to soon, as when she gets older, she will have no chance in life if she has the wrong attitude.xxx

Kylie If she is 13 she should stay with her mum. She has her school to consider and running away from the situation will not make it go away. Something to look forward to like a holiday with yours in the holidays will give her something to focus on E x

My stepdaughter has tried her hardest to split myself & hubby up. I never tried to take her mums place & used to bite my tongue when she caused trouble. Ive never stopped her visiting us & would never do (unless things got very bad) Hubby jumps at her every whim. Last week she phoned him as a thirty pound cheque from her mum haddnt cleared. he sent her the money.( I diddnt mind after all he wanted to help her out as she was in a fix) Has she returned the money when the cheque cleared?....NO. Has she phoned to say thanks? .....NO Has she offered to pay it back when she can?....NO Would I have her to stay for a short holiday? YES Would i have her stay & live with us ( and have her snide looks when she thinks im not looking...to her dad as well...To have her here knowing she hates my guts (as told to her dad) To feel like an outsider in my home......NO WAY. ....... Elaine x

shes 13 and an only child at home till her mum had ababy last year(andshe was the apple ofeveryones eye) and when she came to mine she didnt like to share and hubby used to say she dont need too which got my back up and caused problems with us and i feel maybe she should stay in the uk and help her mum, come for holiday for amonth but any longer isnt right i dont think i think maybe her nose has just been pushed out and she trying to get attention from us

i had alot of problems wen i was about 15 and ended up having to go and live at my dads! at that time, the kids wernt around, but i managed to cause problems in the house, not because i aimed too, but cos i was 14-15 yr old girl, who had discovered alcohol, drugs, boys and bunking school! My dad wasnt a great father to me, but i really needed him, right at the last minute he sorted me out...but that was only when me and my step-mum ended up having having a fight and was ripping eachothers hair out! I was only like it cos i needed my mum, and cos of all the stuff that had been going on...do you know if she has similar probs?? xxx

As a step-mother (albeit a seperated one).... don't even try to come between a parent and their child.... it's not fair on anyone and as i said before.... how would you react if someone told you that your children weren't welcome at their fathers house?

as a step daughter, i say yes! I think what Diana said is a very good idea. if she really wants to come and stay, then she MUST abide by your rules! And if she sees your boys abiding by them aswell, she has no excuse not too!! xxx

From one stepmother to another... Say NO! Put your kids first, or meet him half way & suggest a couple of weeks holiday before she GOES BACK. How old is she anyway? still at school ( going away will distrupt her schooling)or left school (an adult who can make her own decisions & find her own place) E x

I think that if you agree that she comes to stay then there are house rules that she has to abide by.... get everyone, including your children to sign them, then everyone knows where they stand and no-one can say they didn't know!! I think your hubby has a loyalty to her too as she is his daughter and you would hate it if another woman stopped your children seeing their father!!

how old is she?

what type of probs did she cause if you dont mind me asking? was it long ago?? how old is she?? xx

well its about my stepdaughter she is in the uk and her mothers marriage has broke up and she has asked my hubby if she can come and stay with us ,im not happy about it as when we lived in the uk she caused nothing but trouble with my sons im scared this will happen here what should i do i have told hubby i will support him even though im not happy and he just says she is my daughter i dont want her being involved in her mums fights, read all your advice and have told my hubby i feel Amy cant come to live with us not that i dont want her i just feel she is best of with her mum to help her mum with the baby and with us moving into a house we will need carpets blinds etc and we cant afford for her to come(as we would have to pay the airfare)she can come at easter for a month and have a holiday and he seems happy with that i know alot of you say he came with his daughter when i married him,but with the trouble i have had with her i feel it hard to except her into my home not that i dont think alot of her just little things she has done idont want her comming here and me having a go at her for it all the time if she messes about