General Chat

She.... you are right but one day she will come round.... and if she doesn't the one thing you never lost is your dignity.... hats off to you babe!!

Elaine, i am 19, believe me, if i do wrong, i bloody know about it. My bro is 21, he is a policeman and is a man, but if he puts a foot wrong, my dad will still put his foot down!! If she is going to act like a child, then yes, there is every point in doing it! She is still his child, maybe that is what she is missing, maybe thats what she wants, for her dad to try and disipline her....cos when my dad did me, it made us more closer!!!

steedie - when she rings she treats me like dirt - I hand the phone to her dad - I will never stop them being in touch - She reckons I dont exist - its her choice - I have enough to deal with because of illness and losing 11 family members in just over a year. All through that I ALWAYS put her first, but to no avail. My oldest sister had even invited her on holiday - all expenses paid. but she didnt want that - she wanted to go to Aus to visit my son - who she had met twice, maybe three times and who she had treated like scum. I feel sorry for the girl - but some people don't want to be helped - she is one of them

I agree Diana, my mum has always been sooo strict on me! She hasnt been horrible, but believe me, i know my place! i know how to behave how to respect people and how to respect her, she is my best friend!! When she had to go away and i went to my dads, it was different. There wasnt any rules, apart from i had to do chores to get a fiver twice a week! i was out every night, doing what i wanted and they never checked up on me., sometimes i wonder what they were thinking! I mean, leting a 15 yr old girl go out every night stay out with her mates, driving her mates cars up and down road....i wouldnt let my kid get away with it!!! it was only when they found out about the bunking that they pulled the reigns in! and trust me, i bloody needed it!!!! every child, teenager ect needs to be disiplined!!! xxxx

Steedie Not worth him putting down his foot now shes 21 is it? Reason he was too soft on her was he was afraid shed tell mum & he would lose contact. She ruled our family against my wishes i may add cos she knew what position her father was in. Ex ps Hubbys ex wife left HIM for someone else. He had nothing to be ashamed of & I know its true because I knew them both.

Steedie, for someone so young you have a very old head on your dhoulders.... children only get away with what their parents let them... my hubby has been bending over backwards for both his SELFISH brats (my name for them) for years to try and make up for leaving their mother.... but it's only since I have forced him to be tougher that the SD is towing the line more... If they are not given rules they don't know the boundaries.... if the are given the rules and still cross the line then they need to be told!! they are young adults now but still with a childs mind.... I am 40 next year and still i competed with his kids.... maybe we aren't all as perfect as we like to think we are!!

yes but elaine, everbody is different, she has probably been brought up differently to how you was, and maybe your hubby needs to sort it out and put his foot down!!

Your SD is lucky to have you Pink. When my dad found out that i had bunking school wen i lived at his, he didnt know what to do, so tried to kick me out. My SM said no, even though i was out the door on my way to my mates! She pulled me back in and hugged me so tight i couldnt go anywhere, my dad didnt have a choice, and she sorted it all out! xx

I had a stepmum from the age of 17. She never let me forget my own mum & never tried to take her place, I could have been so nasty to her, I could have felt she took mums place & stole my dad. ( mum had been gone a year) I never called her mum she diddnt ask me to either, to me she was Doreen. Almost four years ago she too died suddenly. I mourned he as i mourned my own mum. In the last couple of years I had got her a "your like a mother to me " mothers day card...im so glad i did now. My stepdaughter is the selfish one. She expects hubby to jump when called but wont buy him a birthday or xmas card, or even ring to say happy xmas or happy birthday. The only time she rings him is when shes after something. And no i dont think thats normal...ive never sponged off my dad. Im in close contact with him. I have more respect for my dad than she has. E x

Hi Kylie, I don't know you so I hope you don't mind my two penneth worth... How would you feel if the boot were on the other foot? Say your children lived with their father and were unhappy so wanted to live with you and your husband. Surely you would do anything to make them happy and would resent your husband if he didn't want them there? Do you not think he will resent it if he doesn't have your support fully? She is his daughter and most parents would die for their children. He sees she is unhappy and wants to help her. It must be frustrating for him being so far away. It could be she is just testing his love for her and doesn't really want to live with you anyway, but wants to know that she has that option should she need it. If she did come to stay, what is the betting she would miss her friends so much she would soon go back home? Friends are very important at 13. 13 is a very difficult age for anyone, add to that a new baby who I am sure is getting loads more attention and her Dad half way round the world - it can't be easy. I have a step-mum and as a child I was a right cow to her - thought I was being replaced and my dad loved her more than me. At that age you still don't understand that there are different sorts of love and that loving one person doesn't mean you love another person any less. My step-mum and I are great friends now (I'm in my 30's)and I am sure that if she sees you are not standing in her way then maybe you will one day be good friends too. Hope I haven't spoken out of turn. C. PS My Dad told my step-mum before he married her that he and his children came as a package - love me love my children. Although she didn't LIKE us at times (who could blame her!!) I knew she always loved us as we were part of the man she loves. You knew that your husband had a daughter when you married him - she is his flesh and blood.

She.... my heart goes out to you.... the kid is obviously fighting her own demons and taking it out on you and yours.... i know mine SD is too... I have tried to encourage her to see a counsellor and finally she is realising that she needs too.... but i am there to support her emotionally if nothing else!! She didn't chose to have parents that fought like cat and dog and destroyed her beliefs in the process and no that doesn't give her the right to treat me badly but it's all she knows at the moment and hopefully in time that will change!! Don't give up on her babe.... she will eventually come round to realise you are not the devil!

She, how awful !!! and how hurtful! So you do still stay in contact? xx

Elaine, I can't comment on what being a mother is like as i'm not one and will never be one.... but I do know what being a teenage daughter is like and i used to play my parents off against each other even though they were together and trust me i was a right madam.... it's human nature for a child to push their luck!! I think if we all thought back we put our parents through the wringers but now as we are older we think kids shouldn't, the same as my parents probably thought about me!! If Kylies' step daughter goes to live with her then the mother will be the other side of the world.... not to much damage can be done from that distance and if she gets out of order she gets shipped back..... Simple as that!!

My step mum and dad have 3 children. Having there own kids has never changed how they treat me!!!! Same with my mum and step dad, when Ruby came along, they shared there love, nobody has ever been put '1st' in my homes, we have all been treated the same.

Steedie.... i have to agree... although the SD backed her dad initially when we split as i had smashed her mothers belongings she now texts and calls and i know she misses me in her life... and I am sure she realises the mistakes she's made as i do mine!!

In all fairness Diana ( & no disrespect to you ) If you had your own kids with him too, then you may think differently. Having a stepchild living with you especially at 13, when things dont go well between you is asking for trouble. As i said earlier, she has her mum, if her mum had died its a different ball game altogether. Because she learns to adapt to your rules. But if her mother is still "There" it causes no end of trouble with her playing you both off against eachother, with your kids in the middle... E x

I was a right cow at one point to my dad and stepmum, but i must say, my step-mum has had her faults, and i have had mine, but she has never stopped tellin me that she loves me, and has never stopped emailing me, textin me, calling me etc telling me how she loves me, and misses me. She made me feel so important, i was even the second person she told (after my dad) both times when she was pregnant. She made me feel special and wanted, even though sometimes i could put them through it. I can now, never be without her. You cant give up on her. Its not about who you put first, you divide your love, share it, and treat them all as equals xx

as some of you know I too have a step-daughter. aged 14 ,but for legal reasons cant say too much - I treated her like she was my own flesh and blood - I empathised with her, she hated her mother she said, the woman who walked out with another man when she was only 13 months old. I explained to her that her mum still loved her - and got her to ring her mum - build up a relationship with her. I encouraged her in her hobies - praised her to everyone when she did well at school. How was I repaid? I had my personal papers gone through, sentimental treasures of mine stolen or destroyed. And all the neighbours were told lies about me and my family. When my mother died she didnt even say she was sorry - but when she learnt I was being left some money she decided she was my bestest friend in the world. Then she got worse - she told the staff at her school that my grand child had been born severely mentally and physically handicapped. She wasnt. Her gran - who lived next door to us was ill - yet she still treated her like dirt. Stealing her pension and beating her up - I got social services involved - and she tried to lay the blame on me - I was investigated - and exonorated by them - they realised that my step -d was the cause. She was stealing her grans food. and denying everything - then we found receipts for top-ups for her mobile - £160 in a 5 week period - we didnt give her this money - she had stolen it from her gran. Then my husband found a diary - and in it she had listed EVERYTHING she had been doing to get rid of me. He was gutted. Her maternal gran became involved then and saw what she was doing to us all - and took her back to live with her - she is now with her mother. They applied to court for full custody - and lied through their teeth about how ill-treated she had been here. We had proof that it was all lies. Her ambition yet is to still split her father and I up. but it wont happen - we are too strong together for that. I am also step-mother to his 2 sons from his 1st marriage - I have met the younger one - treat him like I treat my own children - and get a lot of respect from him. I dont see him very often , but when he heard what his half sister was doing to me he was here like a shot to let me know that he would go to court to tell them what she was like. She sometimes rings and complains if I answer the phone - I have no right to do that according to her. She has hurt me deeply but even yet when I am out shopping with my husband I see something and go and buy it for her - cos I know she will love it. Since she left the area the neighbours now all talk to me and I have learnt the extent of her campaign of hate towards me. I find it really sad that a child - because that is what she is - can be like that. Would I ever have her stay with us again????? The jury is out on that one.......

steedie Said it in the past, done it , got the t shirt. Never discussed her mum in front of her. Many a time I sat in her room talking to her. Many a time she went back to mum & stirred things up. Treat her as my own ? Yes I used to. I told her off once....no shouting, just told her not to cram food in her mouth & have it spilling out onto the plate (on hols in a resturant & she was told by her dad , not to do something so reacted) We diddnt see her for nearly 2 months after that as she told mother that I had a go at her. I never treated her like my own after that, never told her off, pussy footed around her all for the sake of peace . So its understandable that I put my two kids first now. A) Because they are dependant on myself & hubby B) My stepdaughter is an adult & can take care of herself. Elaine x

Guys.... you have all shared with me the hassles I have had with my step children, but with all said and done they are his BLOOD, I'm just his wife.... I can divorce him.... he can't divorce his kids!! I do not expect Kylie to lie down an take it.... i know what it's like to be on the receiving end.... I am just saying that if she says No then it will be her that is painted the evil one!! The child may be trying to get attention but she is still just 13 and deserves to know she is wanted no matter what relationship her parents have with each other now!!