General Chat

I had'nt had any contact with my father since 1993. I wrote to him last August because I wanted some information on the family. I never had any reply. I did a google search today and found out he had died last January. His third wife who I have met, has'nt bothered to contact me to tell me. I think she might be scared I'll be after money. I'm not but I would like the family photographs. They had no children and I'm the only child. Should I phone her and ask her for them? My son says leave it, but I really would like them. What would you do? Jo.

so sorry bout that jo i think i wud fone cus the phots r important to u lou x

to be honest i would phone and ask her for your photo's after all they mean more to you than her,

My hubby,s mum died a few years ago (lovely lady), his step dad met some one with in weeks and when we ask for family photos some old black and white ones of him and his dad who died when hubby was 24, the new woman had thrown them all out every last bit of his mum,s memories, so I would leave it, we were heart broken over this and wish we never asked. love Debs.

So sorry Joanne about your father . If it was me i think i would write a nice polite letter and ask her if there are any photo,s that you could have .I should,nt think that she would be that heartless . Val xx

I would phone too. Explain the situation. SOrry to hear that you were told about your father's death. That must be awful. Chloe

I would write a nice letter, saying how sorry that you are that your dad died and if there are any photo's is it possible could you have them. As you are doing the family tree and need some photo's to put in your book with other info that you have collected.Send her a s a e and then leave it a few weeks. If she does not send them then you could always phone her to see if she recieved the letter. Sorry to hear about your dad Love and hugs Sue

Joanne - It must have been an awful shock and I agree with everything that Val and Mandy have said. Chrissie

Hi Joanne, Sorry to hear your news. If I were you I would get a third party to contact her seeing as she didn't respond to the first letter you wrote or let you know your father had died. It might be easier that way for both of you and she might take the time to respond. Perhaps your son or husband or a friend could call. Crista

Jo, is there a chance that you never heard from the family due to an illness your dad could have had? The family could have been preoccupied with his health and your letter was pushed aside. Perhaps if you offer to pay for duplicates to be made, or ask that you be allowed to make copies, they may be more willing to help. I would at least communicate with them (perhaps using the third party that Crista suggested). I think it would be better to ask and be turned down, rather than not ask and wonder. Sorry to hear about your dad. Good luck with everything. PS Do you have a couple of photos that you could share with her? Something that would be special for her?

Thank you all so much for your replies and good advice. You seem to be in favour of me contacting his widow. Usually I would jump straight in and follow my instinct, but something is stopping me. I'll leave it for a couple of days and really give it some thought of exactly how to contact her and what to say. Jo.

Thanks again to all of you. At the moment I feel quite numb. I must admit I've had four vodka's and coke. I'm going to bed now and hope I sleep. Jo.

Thanks for all your help and advice. I feel better today. I felt very angry yesterday due to the waste of time of having no contact. My father was a man who wanted sons but never had any, only me. I had two sons and last year a grandson. The man wasted his life being bitter and twisted all due to pride. I'm sure there is a lesson to be learnt here. Jo.

glad ur feeling better today jo x

Jo, I'm sorry you had to hear this way and glad you are feeling a little better today. I would write because as others have said, it will probably be a shock to her when she reads it and she will probably read it a time or two before replying. I sincerely hope you get the photos not only for your family tree but for the comfort you will get from them. June xx

Jo i am so sorry to hear of your loss, that must be an awful shock for you, i would contact her and ask if you could have the photos, it may be upsetting for you if she says no, or if she has destroyed them, i hope for your sake she hasn't and lets you have them. take care sandra

Joanne, I am so sad for you.... I would call and ask her for them... or write her a letter explaining that you do not want anything other than the photo's.... I am sure if she still has them she will pass them on. Diana

hi there, i think the least she can do is let you have the photographs, if you really really want them dont you let up until you have them, if you decide to just forget it and not bother you will regret it in months-years to come. you go for it girl. thinking of you. sue

Joanne I am very sorry to hear about your father, particularly how you learned about it. What have you got to lose by asking for the photos? The alternative is to lose them anyway by default. A careful approach has to be thought up. Do you know anyone who could be a tactful intermediary? Have you found out if he left a will? You must be prepared to discover the photos have already been disposed of. My thoughts are with you. Len

Hi jO I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU TODAY, HAVE YOU MADE A DECISION YET?? I hope your ok take care sandra