General Chat

Brian I too am aquainted with loss and can empathise with you. My first wife and unborn baby died, I have lost two brothers and two sisters. Grieving takes us through many stages, the first often being disbelief maybe followed by anger. It is a slow process and may take up to a year before acceptance and peace. When I did cry, it was a relief. It is a natural process and will not affect the relationship with the lost loved one. Len

Brian i did'nt grieve properly for 18months and it was the people on this site that helped me to get through it with encouragement and sympathy and kindness, you will never forget your wife, but you will move forward as time goes on, it's so hard to cope at times, god bless you, David

hi brian i lost myhusband suddenly just over 2 years ago now, he was 46 and i 38. it is still very early days for you and the human body has its own protective cushion against trauma and loss. I was told that my grieving was delayed, due to the suddenness of his death and told that the human mind in certain cases will only allow limited ackowledgement of the situation, fearing that the full comprehension of facts may prove to much to cope with all at once.It is still only a matter of weeks since your loss and your still shellshocked from it all, but whilst you feel "out of it and detached" to a degree, your grieving has allready started and what you feel is perfectly normal. remember! there is no time limit on grieving brian,you will have good days and bad days my friend but you have something very special, you have many friends on this site that will be here for you, should you just want to talk away or just be around.im thinking of you tonight and praying for better days to come soon. take care. sue

Brian. I am truly sorry for your loss. I will say a prayer for you to-night. I also lost my best mate ( my wife.) 15 years ago now, after a long battle with cancer. Carolyn was 39 years old at the time, ( very young.) and i still remember how i felt. At first i was angry and then frustrated. I hated the world and everything it stood for. How dare it take away the only thing i ever loved and cherished. Then i hated my wife for leaving me alone to cope, with 4 girls. I tried to hang on to her. Her smell, her clothes, and even the brush she comed her hair with, stayed under my pillow when i slept. I refused to let go. And i wasn't going to, until i was ready. I was so confused, and could never understand why i never cried at her funeral. ( was i strange.) Why didn't i cry? I feel now, it was because i was frightened to let go. So many emotions, all happening within a short time after her death. ( Confusion )It took me many years to eventually let go, but even now, after 15 years i feel her presence. And Yes, i still talk to her. Your wife will always be with you mate, and helping you when you least expect it. You will let go. But only when you are ready. Give it time, as there is no set of rules for this one. Take care of yourself, and may god bless. Tony. from Australia.

Brian I really do sympathise............my first husband died in 1973 two years after my first born who was 5 when he died. At the time I had another son of 3 and one more on the way and just seemed to carry on almost as normal maybe for their sake and sort of got on with it. The tears were a long long time coming and I found a the years passed and other people around me passed on such as my Dad the tears came them together with those for my Dad. Grieving is a strange process and we all deal with things ina different way. It is only now that I can have photos of my first husband and son around me - now I feel the need for them to be there. Don't worry about how you feel, like I said there is no set pattern to grieving,some people get on with life and it hits them later, some grieve for a time then move and there are others who cling to their deceased loved ones to the point of obsession. I hope you can come to terms with your loss and believe me - time is a great healer and you will eventually move and the memories will find a slot in your mind for you to tap into if and when you want or need to. I do wish you well I really do. I have another partner now who is very understanding and that helps me get on with my life. Best wishes to you...........................Mary

Brian, I can't add much more to the wonderful things people have written here, but speaking as one who has lost her beloved sisiter in August, I can say you will grow stronger, she is with you in spirit, I'm sure - and take heart from all these people here who understand. Best wishes, Cathy ~~

Brian, I think the most important thing is that you deal with this in ANY way you want. I didn't know Rita but I'm sure she would want you to think about yourself and how's best for you to cope with this. Ally my love becx

I'M NOT HERE Dont' stand by my grave and weep For I'm not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamonds glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circle flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die.

Hi Brian, I thought you might like to know that your thread has helped me today. After entering a reply to you last night, I got sad news today that a much loved family member died this morning. I am very upset, but reading all the replies to your thread has helped me--so thank you very much.x

brian it will take you a while to come to terms with what has happened, you are still in shock i think. youll never loose her , she ll always be there with you. its been 11 years christmas eve since my mum left us all, a huge shock at the time , we miss her but feel shes around us, from hearing taps on windows when no ones there to the smell of a pot pouri mum was given about a year before she left, they only last a matter of months but often dad can be sat in the room and catch the fragrance of what the pot pouri originally was. with time you will feel able to cry and that will help you im sure , continue chatting to us and hope we can help you. thinking of you

nudge