General Chat

A monologue

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool, That's noted for fresh air and fun, And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom Went there with young Albert, their son. A grand little lad was young Albert All dressed in his best; quite a swell With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle The finest that Woolworth's could sell. They didn't think much to the Ocean The waves, they were fiddlin' and small There was no wrecks and nobody drownded Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all. So, seeking for further amusement They paid and went into the zoo Where they'd lions and tigers and camels And old ale and sandwiches too. There were one great big lion called Wallace His nose were all covered with scars He lay in a somnolent posture With the side of his face on the bars. Now Albert had heard about lions How they was ferocious and wild To see Wallace lying so peaceful Well, it didn't seem right to the child. So straight 'way the brave little feller Not showing a morsel of fear Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle And shoved it in Wallace's ear. You could see the lion didn't like it For giving a kind of a roll He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im And swallowed the little lad 'ole Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence And didn't know what to do next Said "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert" And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!" Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom Quite rightly, when all's said and done Complained to the Animal Keeper That the lion had eaten their son. The keeper was quite nice about it He said "What a nasty mishap Are you sure it's your boy he's eaten?" Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!" The manager had to be sent for He came and he said "What's to do?" Pa said "Yon lion's 'et Albert And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too." Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller I think it's a shame and a sin For a lion to go and eat Albert And after we've paid to come in." The manager wanted no trouble He took out his purse right away Saying "How much to settle the matter?" And Pa said "What do you usually pay?" But Mother had turned a bit awkward When she thought where her Albert had gone She said "No! someone's got to be summonsed" So that was decided upon. Then off they went to the Police Station In front of the Magistrate chap They told 'im what happened to Albert And proved it by showing his cap. The Magistrate gave his opinion That no one was really to blame And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms Would have further sons to their name. At that Mother got proper blazing "And thank you, sir, kindly," said she "What waste all our lives raising children To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

I loved Stanley Holloway, found him very funny. Christine

Hallo Eveyone, In the village where I lived for many years when I was growing up we had a tradition of communal entertainment,We put on shows called Socials.All members of the community prepared a song or piece of music or told a story or recited a poem.There was this old guy who every single time recited 'Yon Lion Met Albert'.He never varied his contribution and as he went on the stage in the village hall the audience would chant the words with him. Long before the end the hall was in chaos as everyone was in giggles and the old boy loved it.It was the height of his year.That was before all families had TV and we used to have village entertainment and everyone joined in.If you didn't want to perform you made costumes or scenery or you made tea and cakes.No obese Kids then,less money and far more fun-Rose

I could HEAR that as I read it! Thanks Bob Magsx

nice one bob hav'nt heard that for years

Camberwell Beauty I too used to listen to Uncle Mac, as well as Stanley Holloway I love Flanders and Swann. In particular the Gas man Cometh. Christine Apologies Bob, hope you dont think I have hi-jacked this thread, get me started and I dont stop. lol Christine

Oh Yes Flanders and Swan 'Hold very tight please Ting Ting' Big six wheeler, Deisel Engine 97 Horse power OMNIBUS dOES ANY ONE REMEMBER HOFFNUNG- Such fun all of them Rose,cheering up.Been Grumpy today

Bob Thanks for that. My parents had an ancient record of Stanley Holloway monologues and I remember well the one about the man wearing brown boots at a funeral, and Noah being unable to buy maple to line his ark because it was "three'apence a foot", not to mention Sam being asked to pick up his musket. nell

Bob, Thank you for The Lion and Albert. I used to listen to Uncle Mac as well! I loved the monologues especially "Brahn Boots". It's made me laugh despite feeling a bit glum, Rosemary(Essex)

Bob Thanks for that, I love Stanley Holloway stuff, but used to get fed up with listening to so much of it as a kid, appreciated it more when I got older. Iremember the Lion & ALbert and there was a couple more about Albert wasnt there? Brahn Boots and Sam Pick up thy Musket. I liked the one about Ann Boleyn "With her head tugged underneath her arm, she walks the Bloody Tower" He was in "My Fair Lady" on Stage and by the time it was put on film Stanley was getting on a bit and I heard wasnt quite as lively as he had been in the stage version. Pat x

this monologue and many others are in a book caled "The Stanley Holloway Monologues" isbn number 0-241-10306-1 great stuff, Peter

shameless nudge - LOVE this Bob, thank you so much!

Good one Bob...... as a Blackpool Lass Born and bred... it warms the cockles of my heart to read that again - Gaynor Ann :-) xxx