General Chat

Does anyone have experience of explaining to a total stranger that one of their ancestors had an illegitimate child and they are, therefore, a relation? I have managed to locate some cousins but I believe that they will not have any inkling at all that their grandmother bore my father five years before she married their grandfather. This news may be both shocking and unwelcome and I do not want to cause unnecessary distress, however, I do want to have sight of a photo of our shared grandmother if possible. It will also come as a shock to my father I might add, he has no idea yet that she had a family after leaving him in the care of an aunt in 1924. If anyone has had a similar quandary and is willing to share the experience, I would love to hear how it was handled. Many thanks+

I watching your replys too Stephanie. I have just located a half sister that was adopted at birth some 52 years ago. She lives only a short drive away from me and Im right now pondering what to say to her in a 'REAL' letter. Im sure she knows she was adopted but am wondering if she wants to be found. Fingers and toes crossed for everyone. Geraldine.

Thanks everyone who has replied so far, watch this space as they say :-) It has never been a secret that my father was adopted, but there has always been a shroud of family mystery about his mother; he will never admit to remembering anything if I ask him. I suspect the newer family are unaware because having been born in the South East (where my Dad still lives), she got married in London and had her other children in the Midlands - far enough away that never the twain shall meet! Her fathers family lived in London/Middlesex so she was probably sent away in disgrace! It is only thanks to the Internet opening up so many resources that I have even considered finding out about her but now I have started I'll have to finish! Stephanie+

Hi Stephanie, Slightly different, but my father "vanished" when I was about 5. Circumstances dictated that I never knew anything about him [long story, will tell you direct if you are interested]. I have two sisters by my father. Using Genes and other avenues, I discovered he had died in 1975, but found that I had a half sister, and half-brother in law. #Again, research gave me an address from him, but could not trace her. Though long and hard, eventually wrote him a letter and crossed my fingers. Turned out I had the right person, but regretably my half sister had died about six years ago. Moral - don't wait, do it. If you would like a copy of the letter I wrote, would be pleased to email it direct to you - I had it "vetted" by my sister and a very good friend, and they thought it was ok. I am now in regular contact with my brother in law, and have had a tremendous amount of help from him. I now have photos of my father!. Go for it. Good luck. [I just wish i had started this research years back, I might then have met my father, and most certainly my half sister - now just sad for wasting time] Best wishes Badger Bill

Stephanie, Perhaps you could make contact, explain you are researching your family tree and believe you have a name in common - giving the name. Ask for help and whether they would be interested in researching as well and perhaps along the line discover the exact connection. This is only an idea from someone who has no experience in this particular problem and I am sure that those who have replied before, have tried and tested methods. Jacky

I had a similar experience last year when a "contact" advised me that my grandmother was her great grandmother. No way, says I, being unable to believe it. After a number of emails I had to believe. Later the same year I met my half-cousin and member of his family. All I can say is "Go For It" and I am sure that after the initial shock you will find they are just as pleased as you to find family. Good Luck

Thanks again for all your replies, with all these great suggestions I should be able to find the right balance. I'll let you all know how it goes. I must also say how great it is to be able to reach people who are like-minded, none of my friends are interested enough in genealogy to listen to me wittering on for more than 5 mins :-) Cheers, Stephanie+