General Chat

By Weston and Lee

Some folks'll boast about their family trees, And there's some trees they ought to lop; But our family tree, believe me, goes right back, You can see monkeys sitting on top! To give you some idea of our family tree, And don't think I'm boastin' nor braggin', My great, great, great, great, great, great, great Uncle George, Wor the Saint George who slaughtered the Dragon. Aye, he wor a blacksmith, not one of the sort Who shoe horses and sing anvil chorusses, He used to shoe Dinasauss - big woolly Elephants, Thumping great Brontosauruses. Well, one day while he shod a Brontosauruses, A feller ran into the forge, He wor shivering with fright and his face pale and white, And when he got his breath he said 'George - 'Eh, I've just seen a dragon, a whopping great dragon,' And uncle said 'Seen what? A dragon! Thou'd best see a doctor, you've got 'em owld lad, Eh, I thought you were on water wagon!' But the fellow said, 'Nay, 'twere a big fiery dragon, 'Twere belchin' out fire as it run!' And Uncle George said 'I could do with a dragon With coal now at two quid a ton.' And the feller said 'Eh, but what's more I've just heard that the old Baron up at the Castle Says, him as kills Dragon can marry his daughter, She's lovely and she's worth a parcel.' Then fellow goes off and old Uncle George thinks, Of the brass and the bride in old satin, So he brings out his pup and a pair of his ferrets, And says to 'em 'We're going ratting.' The ferrets they cocked up their noses with joy, And the old Bull pup's tail kept a-waggin', Then Uncle George shoves 'em a'side rabbit hole, And says to 'em 'Go on, fetch Dragon.' Then suddenly he smells a sulphery smell, Then he sees a big gigantic lizzard, With smoke coming out of its eyes and its ear'oles, And flames coming out of its gizzard. And was George afraid? Yes, he was and he run, And he hid there in one of the ditches, While the Dragon, the pig, ate his ferrets and pup, Aye, best of his prize-winning er - she dogs. Then George said 'Gad zooks! I'll split thee to the wizzen, By Gum, but he were in a fury, And he runs to a junk shop, and buys a spear, And he pinches a Drayhorse from Brew'ry. Then he sallies forth with a teatray on chest, On his head he'd a big copper kettle, With a couple of flat irons to throw at the Dragon, Owd George were a real man of mettle! At last he meets Dragon beside of the pump, Dragon sees him and breathes fire and slaughter, But George he were ready and in Dragon's mouth, He just throws a big pail of water! The Dragon's breath sizzled he'd put out the fire, Our family are all clever fellows! Then so as that owd Dragon can't blow up more fire, With his big spear he punctures his bellows. Then finding he'd killed it, he out with his knife, He had gumption beside other merits - And he cuts open Dragon, and under it's vest, Safe and sound are the pup and the ferrets. That night the Old Baron gave Uncle his bride, When he saw her he fainted with horror, She'd a face like a kite, worse than that the old Baron Said 'George, you'll be Saint George tomorrow.' 'Course, as St George t'were no drinking nor smoking, They barred him horse racing as well, And poor old St George, when he looked at his Bride, Used to wish that old Dragon to... Blazes! And he got so fed up with this being a Saint, And the Princess he'd won always naggin', That he bunked off one day and he opened a pub, And he called it the 'George and the Dragon. And he did a fine trade, eh, for years and for years. People all came from near and from far there Just to see Uncle George and the Dragon which he had had, Stuffed and hung up in the bar there. T'were a thousand feet long and three hundred feet 'wide, But one day while a big crowd observed it, It fell off the nail, and squashed Uncle George, And the blinking old liar deserved it.