General Chat

Tracy, I cannot add to the advice you have been given, I think there is very good and sound stuff here, so I will not attempt to add to it. But I just want to wish you all the very best and hope you can sort it as soon as possible for your own well being. Take Care of YOURSELF. Hope you are much happier Soon. Pat x

Hi Tracy, I am really sorry that you are unhappy and having a bad time. I know that there are those that will not agree with me but please do not let you son ruin what you have with your husband. There is an old saying that comes to mind. "A son is a son until he takes a wife!" "A daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life" We have two sons both spoilt rotten both are studying in University. They don't drink, smoke or take drugs! The day one of them puts a foot wrong, all priviledges will be cut and they will be out on their ears looking for jobs. We have sacrificed a lot to give them a better education which included private schools. Hubby and I have always been very open with them and have nurtured their dreams and goals in life. We have done our bit for our boys but I shall never let them use any form of blackmail to get what they want. I sincerely hope that you find an amicable solution! ((Hugs)) Lindy

Tracey have e-mailed you Sue

Marriage should be about give and take!! Your husband should understand that u are unhappy in present job and keep you until such times as you get a new job!!! As for your son a car is a huge expense and I think if he wants what I call a luxury he should get it himself - even if it is a banger - got to start somewhere!! Hope all gets better!!! lol xx

I'm sorry Tracy. It seems your husband is not treating you as his equal, and that's not right. As for refusing to lend you money that takes the biscuit (surely half of it is yours anyway!). Think through what you want before you do anything rash. Sometimes it's best to sit through a bad patch before you can think what to do. Best wishes Jacquie

Tracey So sorry to hear of your troubles. So you are expected to pay half of the bills, did he and does he do half of the chores? If that is his attitude I would charge him housekeepers rate for the housework, shopping etc. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership give and take which does not mean one person doing all the giving and the other doing the taking. What therefore would happen if you were too sick to work anymore would he turn you out? I think son should not blackmail you into paying for the car, you had a right to a life and bore the dictatorship of your first husband for long enough. I wish you well and hope the situation can be resolved, stand firm and DO NOT LET HUBBY OR SON BULLY YOU. bEST WISHES pAT

I think he should be supporting you while you look for a job. However, why is it imperative that teenagers have a car as soon as they can drive but before they can afford it. Maybe your husband feels that your son should wait until he can afford a car himself. I assume that he doesn't need a car because of lack of other transport. Don't let your son blackmail you into buying half a car because you feel guilty at leaving his father. and try not to let your son's problems split up you and your husband with whom, until now, you have been happy. You and he need to talk about why he is acting as he is. Does he feel you are putting your son before him. Sorry that you are unhappy but I am sure you can find a solution. Ann Glos

tracey sorry to hear all this you are suffering, i know how your feeling, give it time and stand up for what you want in the meantime, how old is your son, sounds like these men need kick up backside, stay strong and tell them to supposrt you or they best shut it, how many times have you been there for them , bet too many to count thinking of you

Marriage is about give and take, I don't think you are the one being unreasonable at all. If you are financially secure of course you should have the freedom to find the job for you, I can't see why he won't support you in this. Maybe there are problems with his own work that he hasn't shared with you?

After leaving home at 20 and marrying my first hubby and divorcing him two children later (10 yrs to be precise) and for reasons that are two personal to go into and the fact he was a dictator - I then met my second hubby and gained "freedom". We didn't marry for 6 yrs and two yrs ago we decided to tie the knot. For three of them yrs I have worked doing a job that I love but can't stand the conditions I work in (Not very good management) so I have decided to leave. My son from my first marriage has asked if me and his father will buy him his first car and the money he recieves in pocket money, wages and further studying grant he has started to bank for maintenance of the car. I have asked my second hubby to LEND ME my half of the money ( and granted - my son hasn't exactly been good friends with my second hubby and blamed me for ruining his childhood by leaving his dad) and he has refused. He says my son should buy his own car and that I can't have any of our money to put to this car. I have had problems at work which put the final nail in the coffin and made me decide to leave - and since sunday all my hubby has done is raise his voice to me like an adult would to a child. I am starting to feel so unhappy all the way around I am thinking of leaving everything and beggaring off completely. I am also starting to feel that my hubby sees me as a boarder in our home as he has said that whatever I decide to do that I still need an income to pay my half of the bills. We are not short of money and I thought that he would "keep me" (for want of better words) until I found another job. Is it me that is unreasonable in thinking that marriage is a give and take relationship and that you should support each other no matter what - or have we reversed back in time where the hubbys are the dictators and what they say goes?