General Chat

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Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone. Are you choking? No, I really did! Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop! Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do? Use a pencil ?till I get there Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell? Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu! Didn't I see you yesterday? Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something? Yes - here's a kite! Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?! Stick your foot out and trip it up! Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot. Don't worry it's just a chain reaction! Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee Buzz off can't you see I'm busy? Doctor these pills you gave me for BO... What's wrong with them? They keep slipping out from under my arms! Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. Don't talk rubbish! Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep. That's baaaaaaaaaad! Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bee. Well buzz off I'm busy! Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a mosquito Go away, sucker! Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then? Well, I saw this light at the window...! Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee Have you tried taking the spoon out? Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon! Well sit still and don't stir! Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later. Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache. Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me One at a time please Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots? I never make rash promises! Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse. Take one of these every 4 laps! Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible! What sister? Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear, that's a lot of calories! Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion? Of course, come back tomorrow! Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out! Certainly, which way did you come in? Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God When did this start? Well first I created the sun, then the earth... Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I?m invisible Who said that? Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin. Why don't you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then! Doctor: You need new glasses Patient: How do you know?, I haven't told you whats wrong with me yet Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a snail Don't worry we'll soon have you out of your shell! Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple. We must get to the core of this! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about! Doctor, Doctor I'm boiling up! Just simmer down! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an adder Great, can you help me with my accounts then please! Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold Don't worry it's just a gilt complex! Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places Well don't go back there again then! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog. How long have you felt like this? Ever since I was a puppy! Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog Your just playing too much croquet! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo. Are you stringing me along! Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do? Saw the legs off of your bed! Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me? You have a broken finger! Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits! What, you mean those square ones? Yes! The ones you put butter on? Yes! Oh, You're Crackers! Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film! Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops. Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains Well pull yourself together then Doctor, Doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake Sleep in another room then! Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a bullet Well don't point him at anyone until I get there! Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a pen Well sit down and write your name! Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible. Yes I can see you're not all there! Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog What's wrong with that I think I'm going to croak Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire. Necks please! Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking? Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor! Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift! Well tell her to come in I can't she doesn't stop at this floor! Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch! Doctor, Doctor I've had tummy ache since I ate three crabs yesterday. Did they smell bad when you took them out of their shells? What do you mean "took them out of their shells!" Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me. Next please! Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam. You're too tents. Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog. Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I'm not allowed up on the couch! Doctor, Doctor I've a split personality Well, you'd better both sit down then! Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair! Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change! Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you! Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet. Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease! Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish Poor sole! Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider What a web of lies! Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar! Have you taken anything for it? Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father Never mind just so long as he's healthy! Doctor, Doctor I?ve lost my memory! When did this happen? When did what happen? Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber band Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there and tell me all about it! Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar I can't believe that! Doctor, Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in What about a matchbox! Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double. Please sit on the couch. Which one! Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth Get out of the way, your in my light!

Good one's Elaine! :))

Doctor doctor my wife thinks shes a cow. Bring her in I can soon cure her. Do you have to we need the milk.