General Chat

All of my 3 boy's have had a smack if they needed it, if I threatened it then I had to carry it out, or they would never learn, but I can remember when we had moved into the street where we lived in the midlands, we had only been there about 1 month, when a little old lady saw me with them, the youngest was new born, and she asked if they were all mine, yes I answered, she then went on to say that the 2 older lads had kept her company many a day, by standing by her garden wall and talked to her, she said they were a credit to me...so some times a smack can do good..only if it is controled and a last resort. Bev

I have just read all the posts to this thread and have a couple of things to add. I personally feel smacking a child is really a cop out. It is an adults inability to deal with their own frustration and lack of self control thus they lash out. Be it a light tap or a sore smack. Some of us in this world have the ability to teach and guide children about the RIGHTs and WRONGs about life and morals etc, and those who can't are mostly adults who have the inability to cope with their own frustrations and feelings. I bet most of those who were surveyed and agreed with smacking were smacked when they were younger. Im sorry but violence breeds violence and when a child is involved it only teaches them that when they are frustrated or cant deal with someone they can just SORT IT by lashing out. By smacking a child they are only learning if they DO SOMETHING WRONG they will be smacked they are not actually learning WHY they havent to do it. As I said this is my personal opinion. MO

I'm not making any judgements here as to the rights and wrongs of smacking, but simply asking a few questions and makin g an observation - Isn't beating a child under the guise of punishment out and out abuse and not at all the same as teaching a child that there are consequences to certain actions which may include a physical punishment? If a child knows the potential consequences to certain unacceptable actions and still goes ahead, aren't they in the process of learning to be responsible for their own actions? Aren't some children, even traumatized ones, able to make the distinction between being abused and being educated? Isn't it unwise to generalise? 'Always' and 'never' are words that can so often come back to bite us! :-)

With respect, a punishment is not a punishment unless it hurts in some way or another. Glenys did go on to say that she explained (probably not for the first time), why the punishment was being administered. The point has been made many times in this discussion that young people today behave as badly as they do because there are few boundaries to their behaviour and they don't learn self-discipline and self-control. Again, and with respect, parents have to find a way to teach their children to behave with restraint in the knowledge that there are unpleasant consequences if they don't. For some, a physical 'hurt' is the only thing that gets that message across.

Hey, hold on now! Abuse? What abuse? That is a very offensive thing to say, and I take great exception to it. You make it sound as if I'm beating the living daylights out of him. I made it perfectly clear that it is always controlled, one whack. And for your information, yes, social workers do know about it. We've never kept that quiet. But this punishment doesn't happen often in our house, I'm happy to say. Because of your very offensive comments I am now going to leave this thread. I am not a child abuser, for God's sake, I'm a mother. Thank you, by the way, for those messages of support.

I dont really believe in smacking your child....but maybe that is because sometimes I may find it hard to stop!! I could cheerfully throttle mine sometimes

Oh My God Rachel! How did you cope with what happened to your daughter? I hope that she is okay now

Hi, As a parent I don't/didn't smack - as a teacher I wouldn't smack, even if we were allowed to. In my opinion big people hitting smaller people is bullying. Isn't that something we want to eliminate? Gwynne

I was smacked as a small child. When I mean smack, i mean a short sharp tap on the bottom, hand or legs. This was never done with anger behind it. It was done as a last resort if all else failed. Or if I posed a danger to myself or others.(when too young to be reasoned with) As i got older (above the age of 5-6 years,) The threat of the smack used to make me stop and think what i was doing, and rarely did I get smacked after that age. When I was old enough punishment consisted of having to go to my room (no telly in room those days) I was distraught when I missed Blue Peter one day because of this. I have smacked my children. As I say smack not hit. it often stopped a stropping toddler from pulling the wires out of the telly ect, after saying no a thousand times to no avail. I always explained to my kids after, with the words "can you tell mummy why she had to give you a smack ". Then they would relay to me the deed that cost them the smack, and would understand why i had done it. Now they are older I find reasoning with them & taking privilidges away works nicely, and nowdays the words "carry on & you will get a smack" is the last line in deterrent which always stops the argument before we reach that stage. Elaine x

I see no problem with smacking, but I think it should only be used when absolutely necessary. I think people often mistake smacking as a form of abuse. Lucia

Twice at school I was up before the Headmaster for smoking in the Toilet block. Each time that sadistic *******gave me 6 swipes across the backside with a carefully selected cane which raised real weals which lasted for several days and made sitting down very painful. The punishment was proven ineffective because I am still smoking to this day, 50 odd years later. A smack is, to me, a totally different animal. It ought to be no more than a successful attempt to divert the child from whatever inappropriate behaviour it was currently exhibiting and rendering him/her amenable to discussion.

hiya i was never blessed with children so i am not ina position to comment but i hold up my hand to all you parents cos it must be the hardest job in the world cos babies dont come with a book of intructions x

So Jim, after the two short sharp shocks you had , as a lad,..AND all the help and advice you were given, on the "Jims Brain cells" thread.........You ARE still smoking...........? some people will never learn.............

I know, Bob. I have to stop it.

Hi again, I was smacked as a child, not often and not hard. I don't know if it did me any harm but I do remember thinking that if I had children I wouldn't smack them. And I didn't. Reading the thread again reminded me of what happened when my son was about 7. He and his best friend had been in trouble in school and had been punished (quite rightly). Certain areas of the school field were "out of bounds" because there was some building equipment there and they had been found poking around. They could have been badly hurt because of their stupidity and they had been sent to the headmaster who decreed they would miss playtimes for a week and have to spend the time in the library doing maths. The kids had no intention of letting us their parents know but my son's friend had a brother and he couldn't wait to tell us as we picked them up at the gate. I cross-examined him when we got home and pointed out the folly of his ways. In the midst of the safety and obedience to authority lecture he sighed loudly. Then he asked (something like), "Why do you always reason with me? G*****'s mum will have just smacked him and he'll be watching tele by now". This became a family saying for a while, when he was playing up I used to threaten him with a "jolly good reason with". He's an adult now but has said he hopes he won't smack any kids he has, I'm glad to say. Gwynne

Hi Gwynneth, your story made me smile and remember an experience with one of my sons. When reasoning with him about some misdeameanor or other, I can't remember exactly what now, he raised he eyes to the ceiling and sighed. I asked his what the matter was and he wanted to know why I didn't shout at him 'like any normal mother.'!