General Chat

Interesting, in a survey done on B.B.C. North West tonight, of the 3000 that took part, 92% were in favour of smacking and 8% against. What do you think? Bridget x

Well, I might get a lot of flak for this, but we do apply "The Slipper" to our 11-y-o for serious misdemeanours. For example, yesterday he was rude to his teacher in senior school, refused to do as he was told, to name but two - all yesterday afternoon. He knows that if he goes too far, he will get one whack of the slipper - two more if necessary - at home. It's always controlled, and only when he's done something very wrong. He and his friends have actually told people that they can do what they like and not be punished for it.......

My 'children' are 31 and 29 now but as children they were very rarely smacked. Not that I didn't if I thought they merited it but it was rare. It was sufficient for them to know that I WOULD. I can remember talking about this issue to another mum and my son who was about 8 or 9 at the time chimed in 'If mum smacks us we know we have been REALLY naughty' . So hopefully I got the balance right. I think there is no excuse in the world for knocking seven bells out of a child but one short sharp tap on the hand or bottom (with the flat of the hand) at the time of the 'offence' and as a last resort does not seem to have done them any harm. The were brilliant kids that have grown to be great adults. Magsxx

Hi there at the top, I am at the bottom And that is what it is here in N.Z. allso Those in the Gov think they know what we wont. For our Children

A little smack on the hand or bottom occassionally. Yes felt guilty afterwards, but my kids are fantastic and I hardly ever felt the need to resort to it and cant remember the last time that I did. I cant see that it's done them any harm. A grey area as there is a big difference between a little smack and a hard thump, fist, cane, belt etc. Kxx

I think the schools in question want permission to smack only with parents consent. A child shouldn't be seriously hurt, but a smack is sometimes the quickest way to deal with a problem. In the days of caning at school, there was more discipline, nowadays, it's a case of very bad behaviour because children perceive there will be no punishment. Children are even more violent towards teachers and others, in an age where most of them have probably never been smacked!!

When our cat had kittens and they misbehaved, she gave them a gentle tap on the head at the time of the offence. They grew up well adjusted cats. (if there really is such a thing). My point being...a gentle slap on legs or hand (NOT on head) at the time of the offence never did our kids any harm.

I used to reason with my two (now 21 and 24). the elder was a bit wild, and whilst reading her the riot act at about 10, she turned to me and pleaded with me to hit her instead - 'It'll be so much quicker' she said. I had to laugh. maggie

Another wonderfully interesting topic for discussion! As so often, doesn't it boil down to 'it all depends' and 'one persons smack is another's tap and another's beating'? All children and families and the relationships therein are different. While I would never advocate beating anyone, let alone a child, there are, I believe a few occasions and a few children for which and whom an occasional physical punishment is appropriate. Previous comments on this thread seem to bear this out too. The analogy I have often used is the animal kingdom. I have watched many other mammal mothers and fathers with their youngsters and they are not beyond dishing out a clout if a youngster gets above itself and won't take a 'telling'. Humans are no different. Some children just don't get the message with discussion and reason, and need other means to make them toe the line. However, parenting is a very personal business and the best that we can hope for I guess is that our children grow up knowing that we did our best for them, even if we sometimes get it wrong.

Has anyone tried to look at the their child and reason with them when they are naughty only to get this blank look as if to say "what are you talking about"?(OK these are between 5-10 years old) I had a beating when I lied, and I mean beating, I have caught my kids lying and said to myself I won't beat them I will reason with them instead and I get NOWHERE. Bit like Maggie in Winchester a quick smack maybe works but try and reason you are seen as an old fashioned nutcase? I don't know but I still think the odd smack when justified works better than anything else. But as others have said some people's smack is another's beating. Everyone and every situation is different, but KIDS can end up Ruling the adults if this happens in the majority then we all have to watch out, the kids are too unpredictable to allow this to happen. Pat x

I am not keen on smacking children but I will say... isn't it odd how naughty children/teenagers can be nowadays now that smacking etc is considered a taboo? At school I was an extremely polite and respectful child/teenager but many of my peers threatened teachers and when the teachers defended themselves they were then threatened with lawsuits!!! Smacking may not be the answer but how can children/teenagers be controlled nowadays??? becx

Oh Bec! - never a truer word spoken! It's very easy to feel smug to think that I have raised my children to be the adults they are but I do worry about what seems to be the breakdown of discipline and respect nowadays. You see it everywhere from toddlers to young adults -unchecked and unruly! I feel sorry for the children of those parents today who HAVE tried to instil some sort of discipline (alongside respect for other people, property and authority) into them. They must have enormous pressure on them to fit in with their peer group. There seems to have been a reversal in values from when I was young. In my day (I swore I'd never say that lol) we avoided the 'bad' children. Nowadays I'd probably be desperate to join their 'gang' Magsx

Hi Bridget four out of my 5 kids were smacked i'm afraid to say, my youngest now 16 has never been smacked. I do believe that there are other ways of dealing with naughty children, which is why i wish i knew then what i know now. Having worked with learning difficulties you are trained to deal with situations differently. Its a shame their aren't more groups around that can give advice on how to handle being a parent in times of stress, without losing your temper and staying in control of the situation. Parenting has to be the hardest job in the world, but the most rewarding. sandra

Just in case there has been any misunderstanding and this is said with no offence intended or taken:- I have never smacked my children in temper EVER. (But I did go and stand at the end of the garden a lot! lol)

I was smacked as a child and have to say it just left me frightened. I don't think it helped me learn right from wrong, it was the fear factor that kept me on the straight and narrow. How can this be right? I don't have any children yet myself but I know I will NEVER smack them. I was a nursery nurse for many years and have learnt lots of new ways to deal with difficut behaviour. But I do understand that a first time parent doesn't have the luxury of experience. I cringe when I see a parent smacking their child in the street or supermarket, it leaves the child humiliated and seething inside. I don't think they are thinking about what they did wrong.

Trouble is, that since parents have stopped smacking their children when they do wrong (and I mean smack NOT hit) and teachers have had their powers to discipline a child taken away - the kids are now running riot. They know that if anyone even shouts at them that they could take them to court and possibly get money out of them to boot. I know that there are a lot of decent kids out there, once again it's the minority that's causing the trouble. Problem is there's a lot of the minority about!! The decent kids are out of sight keeping busy and helping people.

I had some trouble with a gang of kids last Saturday. I was watching my local football team play, and a small group of children behind the goal were giving such abuse to the goalkeeper that he complained, twice, and the game was almost abandoned. This was a group of ELEVEN year olds. I would never have DREAMED of speaking the way they did when I was that age. If I did, I would have had a clip round the ear and sent on my way, and would have deserved it. These days, if you even speak back to the children they threaten you with the police. The worlds gone mad.

My son is 7 and (so far!) is a lovely lad and (generally) well-behaved. I "smacked" him lightly once when he was a toddler, and had one of those tantrum moments and was out of control. It upset me so much to think I had hurt him (and I'm not even sure if I did, to be honest). If he's naughty now, I'm lucky that he recognises my "no messing" voice!! It's a hard subject. I definitely do not believe in smacking as a rule, but having said that, the threat of the cane or slipper at school kept us in line. And I'm lucky to have a "good" child. Kim

i think smacking to a degree is o.k when the child disobeys you after numerous attempts to try and get them to do as their told.i was smacked as a child but in those days sometimes it wasn't just a hand.i had a belt and a stick whacked across my legs.now i can see it was brutal but it has made me grow up into a respectful person and to respect my elders.which you don't really see alot of nowxxxxx(:

As I said previously, we apply the slipper - usually one whack - to our 11-y-o when he has done something serious, although the usual punishment is him sitting on the stairs, no TV or some such thing. He is adopted, like his older sister, and a while ago I warned him about the slipper, as what he'd done was a "slipper offence". He didn't get it that time (thank goodness), but he said "Mum, can't you and Dad punish us some other way other than the slipper?" When I asked why, he said "because it hurts". I said "Son, why do you think you get the slipper in the first place?" and proceded to explain the theory behind it! Their birth mother used to beat them with the buckle of a belt whenever she felt like it - if she was drunk, broken up with a boyfriend, etc - and it used to terrify the kids, understandably. But since becoming part of our family, they know that they must face severe punishment if they commit a serious misdemeanor. The worst punishment now for our 14-y-o daughter is not being allowed into town with her friends! In fact, not seeing her friends is also good leverage.