General Chat

My neighbour's 4 month old baby boy died suddenly on Tuesday. I don't know the family that well, just to pass the time of day with and their two older sons went to playgroup with my grandson 2 years ago. I want to send a sympathy card, but what do I write in it? Everything I write seems so inadequate. Does anybody have any suggestions please? Thanks, Sue xx

Sue you can get a 'Mass of the Angels Card' which is for children! Anne

How dreadfully sad. Perhaps you could write a sympathy card and just put, 'Thinking of you all'. Something, it's hard to know exactly what to say at such a heart breaking time.

get a picture card , rather than a sympathy card, you can buy ones with fairys and angels on , thats more gentle than sympathy cards, and just say if they need to talk you are there for them.

What a sad task for you Sue. I would keep it short and simple, saying something like: "I would like to offer you my heartfelt condolences and may God be with you in these difficult days". Sylvia xxx

This happened to me many years ago. I did not want cards, I especially did not want cards about Jesus. What I wanted more than anything (apart from my baby to still be alive) was someone to talk about her, to acknowledge that she had had a life, no matter how cruelly cut short. Perhaps a card saying something about what a lovely smile he had, or whatever. And, when the funeral and all the awfulness is over, phone her (don't call) and tell her you are thinking about her, is she coping? But only do this if you are up to hearing about how she ISNT coping. She is in my thoughts today.

One of my close friends lost a premature baby several years ago and did receive cards. At the time she couldn't look at them but now on the anniversary of Emma's death she gets them out and looks at them and remembers the good times she had with her baby. One of the worst things for her at the time was people avoiding her because they didn't know what to say, so maybe you could put your phone number in the card and invite your neighbour to call you when she feels like a chat.

just write that your thoughts are with them and you are there for them if they need you. write it on a very plain card , maybe with a flower.

I think a combination of what Marjorie and Little kb has said strikes the right chord - sympathetic and helpful at the same time. I don't envy your task. Hugs Magsxx

A bud on Earth, To blossom in heaven. Sorry I cant write much more! Hate to hear this kind of thing happening Sorry Bev

What a sad, sad task and what thoughtful suggestions others have made. I would only add one thing to this - that whatever you do and whenever you do it, remember that sympathy in these situations often focuses on the grieving mother. She, of course, is devastated, but so are Daddy and big brothers. They will appreciate being included in the your thoughts and kindness too. Best wishes and kind thoughts to you and your neighbours. x

Hi I Lost my little boy a few years ago, and the best cards written from Neighbours were the basic condolences, just your heart felt sympathies and wishes were best for us. I'm glad the neighbours didn't ignore our situation though, it made us feel we had people around us who cared and watched over each other. Carol

Others have had so many good ideas. The only thing that I remember when my mum's best friend passed away was how so many people were around the first two weeks and then all of the sudden, they were gone. Perhaps you could check on the family in a bit? To let them know that people still care. My heart goes out to you and the family. Lisa

Sue, how very sad. There have been some lovely suggestions on here, and I would always go for the 'thinking of you with love' etc. You and your neighbours are all in my thoughts and prayers today, love Mandy x

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I have bought a card with a blue teddy on which says 'Thinking of You' on the front. It is blank inside and I think I will put something like - 'Just to let you know we are thinking of you all at this time'. Maybe some of your lovely words too. Thank you all so much, I cannot imagine how the family is feeling, the boys are only 5 and 6 years old, and such lovely children. It is just so sad. Love Sue xx

Sue I am sure the fact that you are thinking of this family and acknowledging their sadness will help. I have kept all the bereavement cards and letters I got when my family members died, and I find it very comforting to read them now. My mum recently gave me some of her mother's papers and I found she had kept the condolence letters she'd received too. However awkward it is, it is much better to say or do something than to ignore it. My mum was very hurt after my dad died when people crossed the road to avoid talking to her. nell