General Chat

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A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The copper said, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only, one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here." PMSLing at this one!!! becx

Thanks honey...i needed them! xx

Love 'em Bec. PMSL Cheers, I needed a laugh. Pat x

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once." A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice." After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once."

A woman calls her husband into the bedroom. "Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!" "Good.." "Now I also want you to take off my Bra." "Good..." "Now can you take off my panties." "Very Good! Now, don't let me catch you wearing them again!"

Your in good humour today Bec? Must be looking forward to a good weekend? Ain't you got any work to do today then? LOL Pat x

I'm working very hard! In fact have worked 5 days and 3 nights this week and am working all day tomorrow too!!! Just fancied a bit of a giggle and wanted to make everyone smile :-) becx

:-))))))) You certainly raised a laugh here Bec. Hope you have a great weekend well earned by the sound of it. ;-)))) Pat x

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

Mary was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"