General Chat

By Rev.Richard Coles who lost his partner just over a year ago.

"When somebody dies, they take the future with them"

I suppose when you are in my situation of being fairly recently bereaved, there are many saying that 'hit home'. But I actually welcome these as they make me think. and they make me think about what I should try and do about them.

with me it is the garden. My much loved other half was very keen on the garden and just now all the tulips he planted are flowering. There is sadness that he can't see them but pleasure in that he planted them and I can, a continuity if you like.
And I am busy working on the garden and thus planning for the future as well. It is keeping me going. As is getting several jobs done around the house that were talked about but never completed.

all thoughts and suggestions gratefully received. :-) <3

I have always thought that learning something is a very soothing activity when life is tough and in danger of being empty.Hence some very funny, useless qualifications!

Yes that is true Sharron, probably because while concentrating you don't have time to think.

I got into getting jobs done that had been delayed

Got the lounge repainted and new carpet down and a new tv and sound system put in

Beautiful new curtains made too

I know hubby would have approved and wouldhave said “yes that looks better,I had wanted to do that “ :-D

I had a lot of redecorating in the house like you Shirley lounge new carpets also had my loft floored grandchildren helped and I talked to a friend for hours on end but had to get it all out

My main problem is I have no family near to help which means daughter has been very good but has to travel 4 hours and stay for several days to help. She and her OH have been a great help, they are both retired. Son is very supportive but he is still working so doesn't have much time to help. I am very reliant on neighbours who are good. But any actual work is down to me. (Like the garden and clearing up after tradesmen do a job.

Daughter and I have talked a lot when she was here and she is very good at emailing chat too. As are several friends on here.

I found and still find small jobs hard to do. Maintenance and gardening get done out of necessity, and I’m always pleased afterwards.

Small jobs which were always ‘his jobs’ I find hard to do. Washing the car is one but the worst thing is sharpening the kitchen knives. I liked to watch OH doing this and he did it regularly. I now often use a blunt knife rather than remember him doing it.

I think, Ann, that your OH has sharpened them for me more than once x

Yes I remember him doing it. strangely not something he did much here.

so far I have found that the most frustrating thing is, knowing a job neeeds doing and being pretty sure you know how to do it and then not being able to locate all that is needed to do it. sadly my OH was not the tidiest person with his tools etc. He was always over awed with your OH's tools all so tidy and in their right place Wendy. :-)

I gave away a lot of his bigger electric tools as I thought I would never use them. This was a mistake as I soon realised that people who offered to help me with things were always asking if I had a specific tool that I had given away that would have made the job a lot easier for them.

My advice would be not to do anything for a while, leave everything as it is.

Yes thanks we have sorted tools out ank kept a basic set and kept all the electric drills etc. We thought we had finished and found another tool box that proved to be full of different spanners. It is a huge box too. We gave a basic set of tools, minus a hammer as there were only two which I kept to my 18 year old granddaughter, she does a lot of DIY in her room. some of my Dad's old tools went to a grandson who does a lot of DIY.

I expect he left you plenty of cables.

Soon after she was widowed, my mate cleared out the shed and said she wondered what her husband had intended to do with his collection of kettle leads.

Yes Sharron a whole drawer full of cables went straight in the bin. I still have a drawer full of phone chargers and another one full of the small watch type batteries

Well Ann, i am not widowed but before i knew i was moving, i was recovering enough to be busy at some things. But what helped me keep my mind active was to make a list every sunday evening for the week ahead.

I would pick a drawer or a cupboard or dust the whole house on another day. i found a box of batteries recently and rather than throw them in with all the other odds and sods, I tested them out and actually most were finished and so threw them in the bin!

My pots that are full of fuschias, roses etc need weeding badlly so another job, i can do now.

When my grandfather passed away, i went and stayed once a month with grandma to help her sort out all grandfathers belongings and those boxes in the loft with leads, batteries and mountains of recycled string and brown paper..lol he never wasted anything.

I wonder if where you are there might be a handyman who does local jobs for people that perhaps could help you? maybe once a month perhaps depending on the job?

Sorry if i havent been too helpful but just a few thoughts.

Florence in the hebrides

Thanks Florence, although I don’t have family nearby I have actually been lucky with getting help. My daughter was excellent staying with me three weeks to help sort paperwork and then taking me away for two weeks to ‘draw breath’. Then after a month she and her OH came down again and we worked on sorting the garage, (29 years in this house so much time to amass clutter). And doing some more gardening. Today one of my grandsons came and sorted out some IT problems in OH’s office Ge works in IT. Like you I am a great believer in lists, in fact I had one ready for grandson who made the journey from Hampshire and back in a day. He finished all the jobs.
I have had a local fellow that I have employed to do larger jobs like replacing the conservatory roof.
Thanks for your suggestions though.