General Chat

There was a lot of family in the village when i was a child and being abused, as was the son and his twin sister of my cousin. The family all knew what was happening to him but I think the idea was that there could be nothing wrong with me because I went to grammar school, so that was alright then.

The family and many who lived in the village at the same time, still talk about how cruel my cousin was to her son but they all still speak to her civilly. I don't!

Husbands granny was a health visitor in a tough community but most of the children were cared for. Even though it was tough most of the family members would live there too so if a parent was struggling for food one night there was always someone granny, aunt, cousin etc with an open door. Nor could a child get away with anything as invariably someone would see and relay it to a family member. The only real problem families they ever had were the families that moved into the area and didn’t have a support network. One such family moved into the area with their three children and it became clear early on that the middle child was being treated differently to the other two. They were never spoken to nicely, they didn’t get the same dinner as the other family members and their clothes never appeared ironed or to fit when the other two kids did. It resulted in the parents losing custody of all three children initially when the health visitor reported her suspicions. They eventually got custody of two of the children again but they never got the middle child back.

:-D :-D :-D Sue!

Have to admit, I was too 'laid back' (some would say lazy) to bother with narcissism - it must take quite a bit of effort!
One example - catch year old daughter eating Gladioli - definitely not good for her.
Do I want to encase her in a pen? No
Do I want to watch her every move? No
So, I redirect towards the 'edible' marigolds and Nasturtiums :-D

When eldest (about 3) decided to strip off, dig a hole, fill it with water and make mud, which she then covered herself and baby sister in (this became a regular occurrence - we lived in the middle of nowhere), I just got out their paddling pool, put warm water and bubble bath in it, towels in their Wendy house,and left them to their own devices.

I always tried to treat my 2 children equally in all ways, but did wonder if they appreciated that. When they were adults I once asked them if they ever felt I had a favourite and they both said yes - their sibling! So maybe I did get it right one way or another.

Mine certainly slowed down a bit when my dad came home but e had his ways as well and, of course, he only had her side of the story to go by..

In my experience none at all. I never knew what was going to happen next with her. As I got older I spent more and more of my time around my Aunt's house as she only lived just around the corner. I was fine if my Dad was home because she was all sweetness and light when he was around but as soon as he went to work she changed instantly.

Well, there is no logic to it is there?

The behaviour certainly is strange so it is hard to believe

I really think the behaviour is so bizarre they can't believe it is really happening.

Can't believe or is it that they choose to ignore it to keep the peace :-(

To my regret and, well, shame as well, the daughter of a neighbour was treating one of he sons as a scapegoat and I just did not know what to do about it.

Had nobody believed me, I would have been a pariah in the community, they are a big, far-reaching family who are full of their own importance and the family does have narcissism in it, just like mine.

Now that there are advertisements like this one being shown, I hope it will make people aware of just what does go on under their noses when they can't believe what they see.

I do have rainbows and brownies and it will be 20 years in August. We do have some training and guiding do have a safe from harm team. This wasn't guiding related though. I was doing a placement in a school nursery at the time. Around half the nursery children were kept at school over lunchtime to make sure they got a hot meal that day.

Around a third of the children had social workers and most of the others had to get visits from the nursery staff who had been trained in social work. The ones who got visits from the nursery staff were the ones whose home life was not considered ideal but far from the worst.

My mums parents divorced when my mum was small and my grandad used to make my mum feel guilty if she wanted to see her mum. As a result my mum has no relationship with her mum now. My mums way of dealing with this is to smother us so we never doubt how much we're loved.

I was a Brownie and Rainbow leader for 17 years. I had 2 girls from the same family who had a mother who spoke to them like s**t and treated them worse than the family dog. I did report it to our District Commissioner who went to the appropriate authorities and had it dealt with. Having had that treatment all my life I could not see it carry on for those poor loves. In my so called mother's eyes my sister had stars shining out of her a*** and I was the lowest of the low

You are a scout leader aren't you,Tawny?

Do you get any sort of training in noticing things wrong with children?

The scapegoat children of narcissists probably would not ever get to go to somethin like scouts or guides though. they do tend to employ a parenting style of isolate and destroy!

I was aware of the difficult family situation of a little girl I used to know almost 20 years ago when the little girl would have been around 8 years old. She was at the time along with her 4 year old brother living with a kinship carer. Up until this point she had defended her mother to hilt but she finally admitted everything that had happened at home and it was heartbreaking.

She finally admitted everything because she wanted to stay with the kinship carer. Suddenly she got three meals everyday, clean clothes for school and someone to help with homework or hear her reading. Things that most children I know now take as a given.

I've worked out my mum's mum was narcissistic to my mum.
My mum was narcissistic towards me.
I didn't notice it at the time - my siblings are 5, 6 and 7 years older, so it was easy to convince me it was my fault. Also, mum wasn't at all cuddly to any of us.
When I mentioned it to my sister a few years back, she said I was imagining it.
In 1984, mum got some money and gave us all a share.
Sister mentioned the amount 'we were all given' (apparently the same amount) - enough for her and one brother to put down a deposit on a house, and for the other to travel to, and go to University in America. Not me.

Two years ago, at a family gathering (mum died years ago) my eldest brother - normally a quiet, unassuming, peaceful fellow, not prone to 'stirring' finally said it - 'Mum was a b*tch to you'. 'Since when' was my reply. 'Forever' he said.

I keep checking with my children that I was fair to them - apparently I was! <3
Well, to be honest, I couldn't speak to my mum the audacious way they speak to me, so I did something right! :-D :-D :-D

There is narcissism throughout my extended family, one both sides, so I grew up seeing it all around me.

The problem still is, children, especially only children, who are mentally abused think it's 'normal'.
Those with siblings, who the abused child may notice aren't treated like them, will, very often, be convinced it's 'their fault'.

Those wicked individuals have been able to operate with impunity because what they did was secret and generally unbelievable.

'A child who suffers, mentally and/or physically, at the hand of a parent rarely recovers from the abuse.' :-(

Heartbreaking!