General Chat

Why can people not respond to requests sent to them, it’s so infuriating. Regardless there may not be a connection at least be polite and respond. Don’t just read the sent messages and ignore them, we are all here trying to find relatives!?
:-(

Have you checked that the message has actually been read? If so then there are lots of reasons why people don't respond. They may be checking there own research to see if the connection is genuine. They may be ill. They may be very busy with work, family etc. I once waited for over 8 months for a response but it did eventually come so you just have to be patient.

Kath. x

GR doesn't remove any account unless requested to delete it by the account holder. So, people may have actually died since setting up their account, or, as Kath says be too ill to reply etc.

They may have only set up an account to build a tree and have no interest in contacting, or to be contacted by, other members. Nothing says you have to share info.

It's unfortunate but you have to accept that this happens and nothing can be done about it.

Also please make sure your message explains why you would like information, i.e. how you might be related, not just "Please open your tree"

As well as the reasons for non-reply given by Kath,

We aren't all here to try and find relatives . Many are here because they already know where and who their relatives are, but still like to help on the boards or chat :-) But those people will usually reply with "a no not connected" at least.

It may be that a person has opened the message but does not have info to hand, or at all. Some people have thousands of unconnected people on their trees because it has been copied wholesale from someone else's tree on Anc', they don't even recognise the name because the person being sought is actually not known to them ( eg 1st wife of the 7th cousin twice removed lol).

It also depends how the message is worded , if it's the stock message saying only "please can you open your tree" you will probably find it is not answered, because it may be thought the person asking is a name collector and opening a conversation with them can prompt a minefield of abuse when you tell them you are not related in any way. That makes one very cautious!

Note also that several of us have recently received emails to our home addresss to say that someonw wishes to make a contact about opening our tree to them.

We come on to GR to get that message, but it is NOT on here. We can't contact it through the email message, so we are stuck.

Also, as Rambling posted above ............... if a messages comes to me as either the stock message GR suggests "Open Your Tree" (it doesn't even say 'please") or "I have opened my tree to you, please open yours", then I WILL not open it, regardless.

I want to know whether there is a real connection between us before I even consider sending information. I NEVER open all my tree to anyone except a very close relation.


But your first step is to go to Messages, then to Sent Messages, and see of the envelope is green, meaning that the message has not been opened.

If a message has been opened and not replied to within a week or so, I often send a gentle polite reminder.

My brother in law had a tree on here - my sister didn't know, she also wasn't a member.
I accidently found it a year after he'd died, and asked Genes to remove it - which they did..
However, I couldn't see if anyone had sent him any messages, otherwise I would have responded.
If I hadn't been a member and found it by chance, it would still be on here, 11 years later, with no-one to answer messages.

Maggie ...............

that's one reason why I've long suggested that we should ALL have a "little black book" listing all the sites that we have joined over the years, free or requiring a subscription, along with the names we used to join, any board names AND details of passwords plus secret question answers.

We should then tell a close relation or friend where that book is, why we have it, and ask them to take responsibility for removing us from those sites if we become incapacitated or die before we have done it ourselves.

I have had such a book for at least 10 years, OH and my daughter know that it is in full view by my computer, and know what to do with it. I managed to find a pocket address book in the local loonie (pound), ca 6½"long and 3½" wide, and without predetermined spaces for entries, which has proved ideal as I can make an entry as short or as long as needed. It also happened to be black!

It also serves as a reminder for me when I have to re-sign in to a site!

I'm still trying to get OH to produce a black book for me to use for him ......... he just keeps saying that he doesn't subscribe to many sites. Yes, he does!!!

That's a good idea, Sylvia.........now, what are my passwords?

:-D :-D :-D


I've just been through that as I cleared the History, and then needed to get into my bank account!