General Chat

In my opinion Eton is a place of education only when the students leave does it do any good because they can say they went there and it opens doors because of it, not necessarily how clever they are.

...that should be carried on during school life.

It's not just UK parents who send their children to Eton!

Eton - an expensive lesson on manners usually expected to begin in the home while the infant is still in the cradle.

Embarrassing those UK parents who seem to have no notion of neglect.

Define "excessively" Dermot? In what circumstances? For what achievement/behaviour is it ok or not ok?

Being praised for something one is good at, can offset all the low self esteem caused by criticism of what one is admittedly rubbish at...and we are all good at something and rubbish at something.

"Praise. It gives me a warm glow that lasts for the rest of the day."

© Simon Turner-Tree"

https://mudskipperpress.com/2018/11/22/in-praise-of-praise/

Saying 'please' and 'thank you' is hardly praising, Dermot! :-(

Praising children excessively can do more harm than good, especially to those with low self-esteem. (The Times 03.01.14).

I think of manners as life oil. They do make it run a little more easily.

Grandson who collects gem stones, fossils and interesting stones always either says thank you via video or sends a card to an FB friend who sends him wonderful additions to his collection.

Quite honestly there would be no further gifts if he didn't!

My grandkids are treated the same way as our children.....no please when asking for something....they don't get a reaction. No thank you and they are reminded we aren't their slaves.

Doesn't take many reminders before if becomes automatic. When they say please and thank you to waiters or shop assistants that's when we feel they can safely be let loose into society :-D :-D

All five of our grandchildren and also our two children were encouraged to write and send thank you letters this they still do albeit now emails. This is something that should be taught at home and often isn’t.

Thanks Maggie, I had not seen that one.

I am a little dubious about the absolute value of 'thank you' notes, lol but I then am old and cynical ;-) I had an acquaintance, mentioning no names, who always sent 'thankyou' letters but had the empathy of a dead flea ( to nick an old friend's expression) :-)

Still if it gives anyone pause for thought about how they treat others, it can't be a bad thing :-)

Here's the article I read, Rose:

https://www.tes.com/news/exclusive-eton-pupils-given-lessons-gratitude

I suppose I should have posted the link earlier.

They will be encouraged to send 'thank you' letters.

Empathy means being able to modify actions to take account of the needs of somebody else who is not an natural ally or even an enemy. The needed action may be quite opposite to what is in your immediate interest.

As Rambling says nothing much to do with manners really.

There was a guy called Albert Pierrepoint who was a neighbour of one of my rellies. By all accounts he was a charming man. Not much noted for his empathy though.
Mind the drop.

Is it "manners" though ? That's different from "Empathy and Gratitude" isn't it?

You can say "please" and "thankyou" automatically and have no empathy whatsoever.

Empathy you learn by example, by being able, and willing, to think of someone other than yourself and to really have to 'reach' sometimes to understand what makes them tick when it's not something that affects you?

Empathy "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
synonyms: affinity with, rapport with, sympathy with, understanding of, sensitivity towards, sensibility to, identification with, awareness of, fellowship with, fellow feeling for, like-mindedness, "

edit, as far as I can see it's the newspaper headlines that have variations of "Eton College has begun teaching pupils to say “thank you”" the college definition is "Gratitude, Kindness and empathy'.

There are no old Etonians in the present cabinet although a majority did not attend a state school.

"Manners maketh man (and woman) " but as Sharron says they are made at home not school.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FahMGaCoow
"A man can change the world with a bullet in the right place.
Real blood.
"

I find it extraordinary that the staff don't insist on 'please' and 'thank you' :-S

As a Learning Support Assistant, there was one obnoxious child who, after a 'dressing down' from me about his behaviour, was told (by me) to THANK me for telling him off, as he'd appreciate my wise words in the future.
Sounds harsh, I know - but you didn't know him. :-|

Well, the future came, I met the (now) young man.
He remembered the 'dressing down', and my insisting he thank me - and he thanked me again.
He said I was right! :-D :-D

It seems quite extraordinary to me that children should even need to be taught manners in school.

Well, I never knew only a handful would become MP's RTR - I thought the Government was the whole of Eton College!
Thank you for explaining that to me, that really is condescension on an epic scale there RTR.

However, the FACT is, a high proportion of the current Government went to Eton, here it appears, manners and empathy aren't considered important.


My argument is, ALL children should be taught empathy and manners - money shouldn't make you oblivious to those around you.

My brothers went to RHS Holbrook - both disliked it intensely, but it was a case of 'needs must'.
I'm not sure whether they were taught manners - but they certainly had to have them in the holidays, and have always been polite, (okay, not always to their younger sisters) and really dislike condescension! :-D

People go to Eton College from all sorts of backgrounds and end up with a diverse range of futures. Only a handful become Tory politicians. The others tend to become normal human beings with similar failings to everybody else but slightly better understanding of the human problem and much better Latin.

Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life is but a dream

For genuine nastiness try Harrow ( featured in If.... ) or Rugby which attempted to educate my father. Then of course there are the ever increasing state "Academies" which specialise in what they call "exclusion" as an educational objective.

Not, apparently, because it's a nice thing to do, but :
“There’s a proven connection, across numerous different cultures, between being grateful and happiness. Largely, it’s about awareness "

So, for their own benefit.

"Eton pupils have also been offered lessons in empathy and kindness."

Only 'offered', they're not compulsory!

Well, that explains the attitude of the mostly Eton-educated Government! :-|

Edit: I'm pleased to say, the motto of Winchester College is 'Manners Maketh Man'. :-D