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I have been looking at a couple of manifestos, and I firmly believe that these are the way forward:
[aside] some are from the 2005 manifesto…
Law & Order
1) Anyone caught breaking the law will be made to mend it.
2) All police will be made to say HELLO, HELLO, HELLO when making an arrest, this will treble the police force.
Health
3) To solve the increasing obesity problem and global warming, all TVs and home computers must be run only by exercycle generators. A phase-in period of this major remedy will be allowed - maybe 1 to 5 minutes.
4) We will ask the Tooth Fairy to bring back all our good teeth and stop the rot in your Dental services.
5) The Care in Care Homes needs to be addressed, under an OMRLP government. Cocktails of drugs used to keep the elderly quiet will be banned and replaced by Fruit-Cocktail, Oxtail and prawn cocktail.
6) All foreign G.Ps in England and Wales will be taught the local dialect so they know when their patients feel Jiggered (Tired), Manky (Rough), Gipping (Vomiting) or have got somit rang with their Fizog (Face).
7) To prevent congestion on hospital wards, all hospital visits will be cut to 30 minutes a day, with the exception of Coco the clown to entertain the nurses.
Defence
Cool All WMD’s (weapons of Mass Distraction) will be made highly visible so that we can find them.
9) Any politician wanting to start a war will be shipped off to the country in question with a bag of conkers. They can then conker the country themselves.
10) The white cliffs of Dover will be painted blue to camouflage our islands.
11) Buckingham Place will be defended by triffids, cultivated by Prince Charles.
12) Anyone criticising defence will be made to mend it with de hammer and de nails.
OAPs
13) Meals will be served on plates not on wheels.
14) Old age will be made officially 5 years older than you are.
15)All O.A.Ps will have the luxury of a woolly muff and free electric chairs
Other ideas
Needles
Due to the increasing number of children afraid of needles, I propose the destruction of the tedious, scary and often painful process of school vaccinations.
Instead, I propose that highly trained nurses should be given free reign on the playground with specially modified tranquillizer rifles which apply vaccinations as well as a tranquillizer. This would have two main benefits: It would be less scary for the children as they will not know what hit them, also it will be more fun for the nurses
Safe Tractors
Ban tractors from driving on roads, they can drive across their fields.
Poop Scoop
Anyone allowing their Hyena to poop on the pavement should shovel it away immediately, As this is no laughing matter
Put a Sock in it
All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one.
Rainbow stop
It is proposed that we should get rid of three colour traffic lights, and replace it with a much larger spectrum
Guard Dogs
Guard Dogs shall no longer be permitted.(they're so vicious) It is proposed that they will be replaced with Guard Tortoises, called Shelly.
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