Genealogy Chat

Julia,

I, as others have suggested, would tread very carefully - you are about to tell someone that their mother is not quite who they thought she was and you do not know how they are going to react. Indeed you do not know who is going to read your letter - for instance, your addressee may be blind and give the letter to a casual visitor to read it to them.

Certainly if you were approaching your birth mother, you can use intermediaries - I know of cases where Social Services make the initial contact and hand delivered a letter if the circumstances were appropriate. (In one particular case the adoptee was reunited with their mother, but on condition that the mother did not have to explain to the rest of the family what the relationship was. The mother had promised a later husband that she would not tell their family about a previous "indiscretion". Writing to her during her final illness was very difficult.)

Good luck - tread carefully. David

Hi Julia. I've done this. The relationship was via an illegitimacy and I was writing to a half cousin who I knew would know nothing about it. Pitching the letter correctly is really difficult and I took weeks to compose it. How to start? I went for Dear Mr.Smith rather than Dear Sir or Dear Bill! Then said I was researching my fam. history and had found our relationship. I felt it was better to ask for help in tracing parts of the family tree rather than approaching it from the stance of emotional meetings with long lost relatives. Then I summarised how the relationship had come about, including some details of the proof that the information was accurate. I stressed that all those most intimately involved were now dead and gave some info. about how far back I'd traced the family - a bit of a carrot there. Finally I gave a few details about me and my family and enclosed a brief family tree. It was actually a pretty long letter.
I received a long and interesting reply and feel able to contact the family again. I'm now about to do the same thing with the other half of the family in the illegitimacy.
The worst that can happen is that they chuck your letter in the bin. Go for it. Angela

I'd write with a SAE, but keep it light. Suggest the connection, but don't go in with all guns blazing. However, OI've not had to do this either!

Good luck

Laura
x

I think it should be dealt with by trained people , there are so many adoption sites to choose from, always through a 3rd party and gently handled.
If I recieved a letter from anyone claiming to be related to me it would probably go in the bin! Not all family reunions work out, there was a letter recently of someone with a relative who became a stalker.
you could be welcomed with open arms, but be careful and if they don't want to know thats that.

Hello Julia,
I'd write saying who I am and that you are researching your family history. You think there may be a family connection. Give a brief outline of why you think this is so and ask if it was possible for a reply so that you could move on and enclose a stamp addressed envelope.
Even if there is no reply, they now have your contact details.
Keep the information casual so as not to frighten anyone away.

Not that I have ever done this.

Paul

I'd probably want proof of who you were, although i doubt any of them know you exist

Hi,
I have posted similar on the adoption thread but noone seems to be reading it tonight!!!
Having done quite a bit of research with lots of help from Genes people we have now found several birth relatives of my mothers, namely a half brother and 3 cousins, it appears that all of the older generation have died.
So my question is who and how should we approach first and if you received a letter out of the blue claiming to be a relative what would make you respond to it, should I include all the info I have or make it short and give more info at a later date??
All advice/ideas gratefully received!!!

Thanks
Julia