Genealogy Chat

I have been helping a friend find his Birth Motherand after 5 monthsI have just received an e-mail from her.My problem is it has come from her husbands e-mail account and I don't know if he knows about Mark.
I've copied the e-mail below

I have been informed by my sister that you have been trying to contact me.

Can you please give me some background on why you need to contact me

I can be reached through this email address

I look for your reply

Do you think the best way to reply is to give his birthdate and ask her if it is relevant to her and then give her my postal address so she can contact me that way if she prefers?

27/09/2007 22:56:13

GREAT NEWS

Mark's BM's husband has been in touch on her behalf (shes still a bit shell shocked) and she really wants contact.
I've passed his address to her and have told her she is welcome to contact him when she is ready

I personally would be very sceptical about this. Do you know what the sister has told Mark's birth mum?

I think I might email back and say I really would prefer to speak to you on the phone and give her your number.

It is a tricky one.

Best Wishes and good luck

Jane

The problem is she is in the US so would probably want to call while I am at work or possibly not at all because of the cost.

I think I would reply by saying it is a personal matter


....... putting his birthdate on the message means that it could open her up to questions from her husband!


You could say it concerns events in a certain town in the UK at a certain date, and that you were attempting to find her on behalf of a friend.


sylvia

Thank you both for your messages. I will mention where he was born and the year as you suggest.

This has been one hell of a learning curve and its just the beginning! I am just so scared that I could jeopardise any possible contact between the two of them.
Thank you both again.

I'm off to have a nice longish soak in the bath now with a black russian (without the russian, I've just finished the Vodka!) to see if it will relax me :-)

Can you call her? Do yo have the number?

Rose

So much for a long soak! I got in the bath and couldn't settle!

Thanks for your input Rose.
I don't think she would be willing to give me her phone number just yet as all she knows is that I am trying to contact her on behalf of a friend. I've had to be so careful as I don't even know if anyone alive knows about the baby.

Think its time for a nicotine hit!

Hi Janet

An adopted cousin got in touch with me through GR and he was also going through the process of contacting his birth mother through Barnardos whose policy is to offer counselling to the adoptee and write to the mother. The letter would say something like "A family relative, Steven, would very much like to make contact with you. Perhaps you could ring the above number to discuss further".
In that way they can gauge whether the mother is able to be receptive.

I panicked when Steven made contact with GR because it is such a big thing, there was lots of telephone calls between the family flying around - he had been kept secret since his birth in 1950. What were we going to do? The mother was by then an elderly widow with one daughter - did the daughter know?

An elderly aunt then bit the bullet and called the daughter to inform her of the situation. She took it very well (it was news to her!) but still there was a delay before Steven could meet his mother, how would she take it, would she crumble? In the meantime the daughter met her new brother, Steven.

Myself, I decided to cut throught the red tape of Barnardos and advised Steven to write to his mother himself. She received the letter and could not find the words to tell her daughter, so thrust the letter at her. But she called the number. Of course she wanted to see her son who she gave up reluctantly for adoption in 1952.
(No DSS and council flat then!)

Eventually Mother and son met in the April of that year. By August the mother was dead. That's how important and urgent it is.

It is important that the husband doesn't hear the news first. Many couples share an e-mail address but a short reply to say that a family relative, Mark, wishes to make contact should get the message home. If you get a positive response perhaps it would be appropriate to ask for her address so that Mark can write her a letter.

Anyway, best of luck to you and Mark.

Alison

Thank you Alison that is what I have done. I couldn't give the Mother my work number as I'm a shop manager for Barnardos who Mark was adopted through. His councellor coudn't trace his mother as she has moved to the US.
He has been trying to find her for some years. I just hope that the outcome is positive.

GREAT NEWS

Mark's BM's husband has been in touch on her behalf (shes still a bit shell shocked) and she really wants contact.
I've passed his address to her and have told her she is welcome to contact him when she is ready

That's really wonderful Janet. I'm so pleased for both of them.

Alison

good job