Genealogy Chat

Can anyone help me please? I have never met my biological father - all i know is his name, but i've always thought "wonder what he's like" and "does he want to find me?", but recently i've been thinking it more and more, but how do i go about things when i really don't want to hurt my dads feelings (he married my mum when i was 7), and he's my dad an wouldn't hurt him for the world, just curiosity is getting the better of me. Please help.

There is nothing to stop you finding Frank's birth certificate and researching him and his family.

How you deal with your feelings towards your dad - that could be tricky. I think he might well understand that you need to know about Frank - can you talk to your dad about it? Or your mum?

Jill

Jill, Thankyou for reading and replying to me,
I've tried asking my mum questions in the past, the only time she seems to want to talk about anything is if she's had a drink!!, and then its just little bits of info, sometimes i'm tempted to try and find him without telling anybody, then no-one can get hurt

Susan - I have pm'd you
Eileen

Hi Susan,

I was in the same boat as you so to speak. My step dad never said anything for or against me finding dad and his family, mum on the other hand only had bad things to say and like you it was only tit bits of info when it suited her.

I left it until I was an adult to start looking but didn't have much luck. Then about a year ago with much upset from mum I put my foot down and said I needed to know and said that that is what I intended to do.

It turns out that dad died in 1988 but I am now in contact with several cousins from dads side and have recently found my half brother.

To be honest Shaun has been quite upset that we didn't get the chance to be there for each other growing up but understands why. I am now 36 and finally have a true understanding of myself (was a bit of a black sheep, different from mums side).

So if this what you need then I say go for it. Only you know your family and maybe both your mum and dad have known for a while that this day will come, mine did and are now happy for me. I think it is more the fears of the unknown, whether you can cope if rejected, will you pull away from them, will you get hurt. Just be as open and honest and say you are not trying to hurt them but there are some tjhings you need to know.

I wish you all the best and hope all turns out the way you wish.

Louisa x

Thanks Louisa,
its good to hear from people who have been in the same kind of situation, sometimes i feel like i'm really annoying my close friends if i talk about things too much, but then they don't know what its like to feel your missing something.
Take care xx

Hello Susan,
Nothing stops you from looking for your dad or other siblings, at least as a paper exercise. It becomes more difficult if and when you want contact. That's the problem with looking; the further down the road you go the more you want to know. The final answer may be a mix of emotions. Acceptance is what we seek, rejection being the other side of the coin.
The only advice I would give is to take the time to read through the various messages on the boards especially the "Adoptions, love & hugs" threads.
They give the plus and minus, joy and sorrow of going down this road.
Good luck
Bye
Paul

Hi Susan,
I have to agree with all that has been said, but I have been now on both sides of the fence so to speak. My advice would be go for it for you.. but remember the feelings of you parents you knew, its going to be tough whatever you do, but at the end of it all its your life and your choice