Genealogy Chat

I dont know anyone on these boards and the subject isn't genealogy but i need to talk. Om Monday my 18 yr old son was involved in a bad car smash that was his fault. Both cars are a write off. I went straight away to the scene which wasn't pretty. One car was in the middle of a field, the other smashed up in the middle of the road and bits of car and windscreen everywhere. The miracle is no-one was injured, and i cant really understand how. But now i feel as if i've gone into shock as it could so very easily have been so very very different. I can't stop thinking 'what if'......and i'm feeling very confused.

Janice You're right - you have gone into shock - please make an appointment to see either your doctor or a practise nurse and they will be able to find someone to talk to you. It is a 'guilt' complex and very complicated - but you need to talk it out - with your son if at all possible. Keep your chin up - everything will be OK eventually, and at least your son is OK - and that's why everyone who knows you well will think you're mad to act this way but it is a natural reaction. Trudy

I was going to say the same thing. Please get to see your Dr as even just talking about it with a professional can help make sence of what you must be feeling. (((hug))) Claire xx

hi Janice, So sorry to hear your news, the main thing is they are ok. It must have been terrible for all of you. Sorry if I am not much help to you. maybe you should put your message on the general board, there are loads of people there who will be better with words than I am lol. Marion

Janice No one was hurt, but you have been emotionally injured by this and you need to talk it over - on these boards, with a friend or with a counsellor, which your GP can arrange. I am sure you will be feeling better and more able to cope soon. Human beings are pretty resilient things! nell

Thanks so much for being so kind. Just putting it into words has helped a lot. I dont feel ready to talk personally to anyone about it yet, but doing it this way has at least started a few tears that stubbornly didn't want to come up until now. I really can't believe nothing happened when i think about the wreckage and state of the cars. I am resillient and i will bounce back but this has hit me quite hard.

Hi Janice This is probably a normal reaction. We tend to deal with things when they happen and the reaction sets in days or even weeks later. On the plus side, your son isn't hurt and this event could make him more careful in future. Hope you feel better soon.

There will always be 'what if...s' What is important is that the lad concerned is okay, bumped and bruised maybe, but fundmentally ok. The bit that is damaged beyond repair is the car - which at the end of the day is just a piece of tin. Try not to worry- it's a 'lad thing', part of growng up! and worrying about the 'what if's' is part of being a Mum. Try and relax. IT IS OKAY JessX

There are plenty of people on these boards who will be happy to listen to you. thank goodness your son is OK, cars can be replaced, hopefully the other person was OK as well. did he admit it was his fault? Some of the shock will be from knowing he was at fault but hopefully lessons can be learned by him from this. What ifs? are always around after his sort of thing but I am sure that he will be grateful for your love and support and no doubt he is feeling guilty now so need you to be there. he will be thinking what if? too. Just keep thinking that he is Ok and nobody was hurt. And we are here for you. ((((())))) Hugs for you both. Ann Glos

Hi Janice As my dad used to say to any of us who crashed our cars - it's only a lump of metal, people aren't replaceable. Trudy

Janice Was involved in a car accident myself about 6 months ago. What you are feeling is quite normal but when you do feel ready you really need to talk to someone about it, even if it is only a 'friend or relative' at first. It takes a while but the feelings do 'quieten'. I know it probably doesn't help much at the moment, but try not to think too much on the 'what if', try to focus on the fact that everyone was ok. 'What ifs' are not helpful but they are definitely normal and not something to worry think about even tho it is hard not to. If you feel like screaming then scream, if you feel like crying then cry, if you want to sleep all day then sleep all day. Do what you feel you need to do to get the initial feelings out with, everyone has a different way of coping with things. Then, try and talk to someone. Sending you hugs

Bless you, what a shock, I am so glad your son was not hurt. Seeing the damage and knowing what could have happened must have really upset you. Talking about it to us may help get if off your chest. Have a chat with your doctor though to make sure you do not have any sleepness nights. Good Luck Irene

hi janice thank goodness your son ok,i to would of gone into shock if it had been one of mine,no one should ever feel alone on this site its a place to talk about everything and i hope that people on here would be there for me if ever i wanted to chat god bless you jan

Been there, done that & got the tee-shirt. My son wrote his car off in a single-vehicle accident and walked away from it a few years ago. The 'what if' sensation is normal and it takes time to wear off. The main thing is that the worst did not happen. These things are part of the learning process, I doubt he'll make the same mistake again. Sorting out the paperwork can be a bu**er, though!

Thanks truly to Trudy, Clair, Marion, Helen, Heather, Jess, Ann & Linda for being so empathetic yet practical and helping me to get this into perspective. I feel as if i can see the light at the end of the tunnel already. Steffen admitted right away it was his fault, but what he did was irresponsible. He overlooked a low lying sports car as he was turning from a side road into a main road The accident may not have happened if he would have taken the time to stop and look properly. We've asked him to do some soul searching as to why the whole thing happened - and as long as lessons are learned it wont have been in vain. Fortunately the young woman in the other car was only slightly unjured by a knock to her arm. Oh yes, and it made the local newspaper today.

Thanks too Irene & Angela. Brian, thanks for that, I guess we''ll survive bringing up kids, eh?

Yes, been there also and have the T-Shirt. You will feel this way, agree with what everyone else is saying, but also remember your son may be in shock as well and may need someone to talk to. Hope everything goes OK. Jo

I come from a family of carpenters (but can't cut a straight line to save my life). My father always said 'Measure twice, cut once'. In my rather extensive experience of motoring and accidents, I would rephrase that as 'Look twice, manoeuvre once'.

My son was in a car crash when he was 19 Judy....Our shared car was a write off BUT luckily he was ok.Heres a laugh.............we shared a car because I thought he'd be more careful! The accident happened only 50 yards from our house. You need to see a GP as understandably you are in shock. Talking is good ,though, good therapy. Heres a laugh............. A few weeks before , I had taken my mum out for mothers day + swerved to avoid a van( on the wrong side of the road) I had a small scratch along the side of car + HE went ballistic!!! When I looked at the tangled mess after his accident..well you can imagine what went through my mind for a second!! THEN ............well, I was just thankful he was alive + just in shock. Take care, And come back to talk , anytime Regards Ann x

Janice I echo what others have said about seeing a Doctor asap. even if you do not feel like talking to anyone yet there are still a few things he/she needs to check out. Don't delay my friend. I went through exactly the same two years ago. Eldest son, who likens himself to a F1 driver, walked away from a 60mph crash with no injuries, no other car involved, police and hospital could not believe it, especially as he was stone cold sober. The nerves of me and Mrs G were completely shattered. I dealt with it by thinking about all the times I have come within a whisker of death. Somehow it helped a little bit. Just remember that for every action there is a reaction. In cases such as this, the reaction is greater knowledge and experience. G