Genealogy Chat

hi i see many lists of adoptees but none of birth familes that are hoping adoptees are looking for them so here goes put your name who you are birth mother etc and any details you might have that may help. im kelly hughes (birth sibling) mutual father is david john hughes formally of sounthbourne avenue. walsall. im looking for sister named maxine charlotte white birth name d.o.b 22/10/1968 adopted redditch county court second quarter of 1969 case number 6900093 also try adding your details to this site www.tillwemeet.co.uk good luck all

Good luck with it kelly I would be interested to read any responses by birth families who have been contacted or are awaiting contact. What was it like when the letter arrived out of the blue / phone call / knock on the door? And any responses on what the mile stones were like - 18th birthday when someone can get information etc. Just thinking that if my birth family were hoping for contact (or indeed dreading contact) on my 18th - then I have kept them waiting a long time!! And now I have started this message - any adoptive families out there?? What were your thoughts as the 18th birthday or other milestones of exams/graduations/weddings etc like?? Liz Liz

Is it really a good idea to post all these details about someone who may not even know you exist? I'm not, nor do I have any relations who are adopted, but I can imagine it quite unnerving to see your name on a site when you thought you were an only child (for example). (I will remove this post if those who are know different)

This may seem like a silly question but do people who are addopted always get to find out,or can this be kept from them. Do you get a difrent b cert when addopted. Don't mean to be a thicko. Angie x

Kelly, not sure that this is really fair, on birth siblings/birth parents. if someone is looking and sees a name they recognise it could cause so much heartache. there is thread somewhere where people can list their birth name, which has slipped away. Not saying that should be the only one, of course start your own if you wish, but please do it sensitively, Jess x

Hi Angie, No - adoptees won't always know they are adopted. You get issued with a short birth certificate that has the details of your adoptive family. (I don't think you can get a long certificate though?) But I have heard from people who weren't told, and found out since, that they always knew there was something 'different'. Plus there is always the risk of the forgetful great aunt at a family wedding saying something accidentally. I have always been pleased that I have always been told - Once upon a time, there was a little baby etc. - and then the story grew up with me as I wanted to know more details. One of my friends found out that his mum had adopted him, when she married his dad, when he sent off for his passport and needed a birth certificate. Liz

Good idea Kelly BUT could cause someone heartache.Imagine you were adopted + hadn't been told + then came across details on here.....or vice versa, ie brother/sister split up at birth. Perhaps we could leave a few clues, just use christian names . birth date, place. Meanwhile.............if any of my rellies read this...........please get in touch folks, thanks. Ann

Hi Liz Thanks for that. The reason I ask is because I have a realative who was adopted. He is with real birth mother but her husband adopted him when they married. We do often wonder about him,and weather he ever thought of looking for his real birth father.so just curious now with all this talk of adoptions on the boards it makes you think. Thats why I ask if he would know he was adopted really,if he doesn't he wouldn't be looking.I know where he is but would never make contact with him.It would be so unfair to do so.On the other hand he may know but may not wish to bother any of us.Anyway its as I said I could never up set his world if he is not in the picture about his birth. Angie x

It is law now that you must tell the child he or she is adopted, i think you have to tell them by the age of 5 it has been that way for some years. But for all those who were never told and still have'nt this could be good or bad, not sure. If they have never been told they were adopted then seeing there birth name on here would not mean any thing to them. If they have been told, seeing there birth name on here might give them that extra bit of courage to contact the person who added it, knowing that some one is looking for them might make all the diffrence. Regards Diane.

I am concerned about this. Because of ID fraud it is not a good idea to put complete details of name and birth date. Also, it could be a tremendous shock. If one wishes to have contact made, one can put one's name on a register. There are organisations that help with mediation such as NORCAP. Joy

It is subsequent children of John David Hughes that I am concerned for.and for the man himself. Kelly, you are being too specific. I understand your need to search, but you are not doing it 'fairly'. Anyone here could know that man! If this thread still exists in it current format, with all the details that it currently contains, by mid afternoon i am going to ask GR to delete it. That gives the poster chance to change it. Sorry , but i do feel quite strongly about this Jess

I belong to another adoption site where Kelly has posted all her family details. I understand she is searching on behalf of her father and he is fully aware of what she is doing.

Not sure but I think this thread as resurfised in answer to something I put,I think someone was just trying to claify it. Angie x

I am adopted and very shocked to find this out when appling for a birth certificate for my marriage. But the funny thing is now at the age of 68 I have contacted the London Metropolitan Archives for a copy of the adoption giving all the full details and they have replied to say they do have them but I need to contact my local social services for them to obtain these on my behalf. At my age and with full knowledge of all the facts I think this is not necessary. Margaret

They apply the same rules to everyone, Margaret, however silly it seems, otherwise i guess they would have to draw the line somewhere and perhaps no-one could decide where. Why is it silly? You may think you know the fact, but the truth may be different jess

Thanks Jess Yes you are right I have tried every way to find my birth father and hope this maybe reveiled from this enquiry

Margaret, is your father named on your bith cert? If not, you will be extremely lucky to find his name in your file Jess

I'd always suggest going back to the adoption agency that was involved with the adoption. They can tell the adoptee quite a lot about the circumstances of their adoption and also say whether anyone wants contact. I recently obtained my birth certificate and found my bf wasn't on it which was a shock as I'd always known who he was. I think because of this omission his children aren't really interested in meeting me. Luckily in my adoption file at the Adoption Agency was a letter from him giving permission for my adoption and the fact that he'd paid maintenance for me. Margaret it's still worth going back to the Agency/Social Services to see what they know (which may not be in the file).

Thanks Julie I am not sure if an agency was used in the 40s and all I remember is going to a court house type building and going into a large room and being asked if I liked my mother and father.

Kelly I hope you will not think I am trying to burst your bubble but I agree with the others on this thread - you have put too much identifying information on a Public Site.(Non-members can read any posts, they just can't answer them, so that means the whole world can read them, including your brother's adoptive parents, who surely deserve some consideration) Birth Relatives by law are not allowed to actively seek out and contact adoptees - I believe the law is about to be changed(???).Of course, many already do - but there are more efficient, less public ways of doing it. Have you considered that this posting might have the opposite effect from the one you want and frighten off the very person you want to contact?You already seem to have plenty of information regarding your birth brother, including a case number - why not let the Social Services deal with it for you? I believe there was a thread (Jess mentioned it) where you can post YOUR birth details, in the hope that the one person who will recognise those details will pick it up and no-one else will be any the wiser. Good luck in your search, Kelly. Marjorie