Genealogy Chat

I have had a couple of contacts from the same person in which all he keeps asking is for permission to view my tree. Each time I have replied back asking him who it is in my tree he is interested in, or if I contacted him about a ancestor then could he refresh my memory as I have nothing in my message box to show I contacted him or have received any prior contact from him. Each time he has just ignored my query, but again has just requested to view my tree. Then today, I get a message from this person basically saying the below: Hi Again: Is there a problem with me viewing your family tree Siobhan? Is this bizarre behaviour or what. I don't have a problem if I know why he wants to view my tree, but I am reluctant to allow access to my information when I have no idea who this person or his reasons.

I think those 'request to view tree' are automatically generated when you click on 'No - ask them' in the contacts list. I just ignore them unless they are acompanied by a properly worded request and reason. Anne

Anne, I don't understand what you mean. Sorry

Be brave and say, ''Yes, as you ask, there is a problem, as I don't give access unless I understand the reason for the request and who you are interested in.....Please let me know why you need access'' On the other hand, ignore the rude ***** !! Merry

Hi Siobhan, I have the same thing happening - I wonder if it's the same person? Each time I reply that I only allow people to view my tree when I feel there is a definite connection and ask for some details of who he thinks we have in common and saying that if we are connected I would be happy to share all the information I have. I then hear nothing for a couple of months then another request comes through. I don't think it is too much to ask for a reason for their request - until then - my tree remains 'my' tree. Dea x

Hiya, yeah I did reply to his recent rude contact, explaining my reason for not wanting to allow him access to my tree, until he gives me some kind of explanation to why. even if he was connected through a certain person, I never allow access to my FULL tree, only access to the family file in relation to that one individual. I will keep you updated on any further contact from the person. But I get a strange feeling I want hear again from him. It is so frustrating.

I recently had also been ask to show tree with out knowing who we matched, they had let me see theirs but could see no match what so ever i said it wasn't worth it as I could see no matches they did ask again but said they would have to tell me who they thought they matched with not heard from them since. Jeanette

i had a problem when i asked someone if we had a match with a relative - he said yes he had 4 people in his tree with that name and let me see it - he had over a thousand names in it . i couldnt find the relative and told him so but he was adamant he was there and not much of the tree made sense. odd.

i find it all very suspicious, especially when he won't explain why he wants to see my tree

Hi, Most people on GR are kosher and seem to know what they are doing and how the system works. HOWEVER, there seems to be a small minority who are on a different planet and seem to think clicking buttons and sending out impersonal templates is the way to go. I just hope people won't be taken in by this oafish behaviour and don't respond to it. These rude and ignorant people must be shown that only polite requests and proof of connection/and or contact yields results. I have received similar impersonal requests and I make no bones about telling them what I think of people who send impersonal templates without explaining themselves properly first. If this type of behaviour persists, I think GR will have to bring in some sort of yellow card, red card warning system and if these posters make a habit of rude behaviour, then their account should be suspended and their tree (if they have one) should be removed from the website. Some of these ignorant so and so's seem to think they have an automatic RIGHT to see everyone's tree - well they DON'T and no one should be shy in saying so. Cheers, Horatia

Actually Horatia , i think you are being a little harsh! people that are new seem to fail undertstand that you actually need to do some research into your ancestors before you start flying requests-to -view about, whether the generated or carefully worded variety, not just send a message to the first Bloggs that you happen across because you both have a Fred. I had one the other day - it was name i had never seen before (requester) and was somewhat perplexed by the ''can i see your tree please'' message. I replied with ''by all means, who do you think our ancestor in common is?''- still witholding permission. she replied by saying ''how can i know until you tell me what names you have'' I replied saying I was baffled that she wanted to see my tree and yet didnt even know what names i was researching. At this point I twigged that she was talking christian names and me surnames. it transpired she was researching the surname BOW -Time to change my name i think! Jess (Bow bag Bobbin dog!)

Why does GR have template messages that are so rude?? No ''Please'' on some of them.......... Merry

Hi Jess, But in the case of GR users who won't give details of the supposed connection - how can that be harsh? If people don't know how the site works then it is better to be honest and admit that is the case. But if this person is going to persistently stonewall the original poster, what can you make of such behaviour? I am not referring to newbies. I am talking about people who are just too lazy to type a few words of explanation and seem to think everyone's tree is theirs to view as an automatic right. Cheers, Horatia

Even worse, in my opinion, is the Auto-reply THIS IS NOT MY RELATIVE Well, um, ok, but why are you so sure? If someone asks to see my tree I will not open it until I get a bit more than 'You have John Smith in your tree, I think he's mine' If/when they reply with - I don't know anything about him - I say, well, keep my contact and get in touch when you know a bit more about him. I am not against sharing my tree, just fussy about who sees it. We have had this discussion many times before, of course, and I am still mystified when people retort that surely the purpose of this Site is to share Trees? Yes - but only with people who are related to me, not the whole world and his dog. Olde Crone

Olde Crone and Teresa, My views exactly. Cheers, Horatia

I would like to know the answer to that as well Brenda. Is Siobhan still around? Jean

I think GR should completely do away with that horrible automated can I view your tree thing - or at the very least, for people who prefer not to type their own request, make a template where they need to complete certain fields before it can be sent. I received one of those templates a few months ago, I couldn't find the person in my names list and I gave quite a 'short' response only to realise later it was someone who had been in contact before and had in fact helped me a great deal. I was mortified and apologised profusely. Jan x

If you use a family tree program such a family tree maker or the likes, it allows you to export gedcoms and you can pick just one line or one family and so on, so rather than allowing them to see your whole file, they can only see the info relating to the person they are interested in and that persons line. I normally do this and send it to them in either a gedcom file or I export it as a PDF file and e.mail them the report. I am not trustworthy enough to allow someone access to my whole tree, to many stories have been told about people just copying information and so on and my tree took me a lot of work. Oh and you will be interested to hear, I have not heard anything from Mr Rude since my last contact to him.

I didn't have many living relatives in my tree, but when I opened my tree to a relation-by-marriage he copied everything he wanted, including details of the living, without the courtesy of asking permission. I now have several unashamed Unknown Unknowns in my tree and I don't open it. Like Siobhan, I'll send a gedcom or word document of the relevant part of my tree to genuine researchers. A gedcom is in any case far more useful as it ensures that data is not miskeyed. It also contains information such as burial details that GR ignores on import.