Genealogy Chat

Awww Eileen No sorry, that's not my Birthdate. I wish it had been, wouldnt that have been wonderful! Hey, it does you good to have a grumble,! Gets it all out of your system . lol. I wish you Luck with your search for your sister I have only just found out the true facts about my Birth family. This came about through a hot match on GR! My BirthMother died when I was 10 months old BUT the person I found was my God-Mother! (my cousin) If I can help in anyway in your search, please feel free to PM me. Best wishes Ann

Hello Ann - know what you mean about computers - Interestingly my adoptive mother did not make any secret of where I came from at all. All her friends and relatives knew how wonderful she was to give a home to an unwanted child. The backlash of this on me meant that whenever I was in any sort of bother at school - a posh fee paying girls' school - there were always the undertone mutterings of 'she's adopted you know' I don't think that things have changed that much actually, all that has happened is that the mutterers have more to mutter over, what with the increase of one parent, and multi parent families. Help - I am sounding like a candidate for the 'Grumpy Old Women' programme. All this rain must have given me a sense of humour by-pass. I don't suppose by any luck your date of birth was 22nd September 1945 - I am still looking for my full sister adopted separately to me. Eileen

Hi again Eileen I DO know about keeping the fact you were adopted quiet!! It just wasn't talked about in the 1950's was it...........it was all hushed up. I know because I am one of your generation + was adopted too.:) The stigma was there alright. Mind, the minds of children are affected by what they are told by the Adults. When Children are small they see each other for what they are not who , if you know what I mean. Regards Ann Sorry I didn't reply earlier...... I had computer problems (again!)

Hi Ann - perhaps I was over-reacting there a bit, however I still feel that immense care must be taken over this 'family' stuff that they do at school. Also I have to say in my own experience and that of a number of adopted friends, the stigma is still there for those of my generation. My first set of parents in law were most adamant that my sisters in law should not be told that I was adopted. This was in the mid sixties. More recently, and rather shockingly to me, I received a letter from my son's father in law. My new grandson - now aged seven - had been diagnosed with cerebral palsy. The letter from son's father-in-law pointed out that 'it must have come from my side, as I did not know my background' Happily this man is now my son's ex-father-in-law. There are many 'slings and arrows' for adoptees, however if we 'take arms against the sea of troubles' we may perhaps 'by opposing, end them' I shan't hold my breath!!!!!!!! Eileen

Yes, Mandy I also thought 'out of the mouths of babes'. Eileen I think you have mis-understood, it was a child who concluded they must have been adopted. I was adopted in the 40's + I understand where you are coming from but I reckon attitudes have changed towards adoption these days. ............................................................ Just after my son first started school he made a new friend .He went to great lengths describing what anorack he wore , what his Mum was like etc. One day he pointed him out to me.........he was black(although his brother + sister were white) .Aren't children wonderful :) Regards Ann

That brings back memories! I always knew I was adopted, right from being tiny, but apparently I had a habit of waiting till we were in public places and saying to my mum, 'When I was a baby in your tummy . . .', which she then used to correct. I never ever thought it was weird. I remember at school being quite happy to tell anyone and everyone all about being adopted (aged all of seven). My dad always said my sister and I were the twinkles of sunlight in his eyes on his wedding picture, which is really sweet.

Ann, It is a lovely way for an adoptive mother to explain to a very young child what adoption is. I shall be relaying this to my friends who have adopted two Thai refugee boys - these children were both adopted at 9 months old. They are 5 and 7 now, and it is highly unlikely they will ever know who their birth parent's were, because of the situation (refugees - from where? and they were abandoned at the orphange) However, the fact that they are adopted is glaringly obvious - the boys are oriental, my friends are white caucasian - oh and the eldest went with his parents to 'pick up' his little brother!!!! maggie

Eileen, I don't think the 'student' mentioned was a student teacher, merely a child/pupil/student, the terms are all interchangable. As a teacher myself, I agree that ANY sensitive subject should be dealt with just as that...sensitively. Sometimes, children ask you the most unexpected questions at the most inappropriate moments. It would be much worse to make a big issue out of such a sensitive moment than to give an honest, heart felt answer. Often when things like this arise in the classroom, you do try to steer things in a different direction and pick up the 'sensitive issue' privately. I was however, one of the people who read this post earlier today and thought...'from the mouths of babes' Children are much more resilient than we think. They will always ask and answer questions themselves, it's called learning. Mandy

Student blunder - I am very disturbed to read that a student,- by which I assume a student teacher was meant,- should suggest to a child that it was adopted just because its hair colour was different to that of another family member.. Surely students are given some sort of directives in what is, and what is not, appropriate to raise in a class discussion. Quite apart from the fact that any slight powers of observation will show that many siblings have different hair colours, a small knowledge of genetics will also confirm this. It would be very unsettling for a small child to suddenly think it was adopted. Children can be very cruel to each other, and a comment like this will almost certainly give rise to playground taunting. There are also of course many permutations of family groups now, with 'his' hers' and 'ours' as new partnerships are formed. In these days of political correctness it is strange to find that someone is so unaware and insensitive. Its all very well to coo 'how sweet' at the idea of a baby being grown in its mother's heart. - adoption is not a 'sweet' subject, it can be, and usually is, fraught with uncertainty, insecurity, and anxiety which can take a lifetime to work through. Eileen 62 year old adoptee

What a lovely thing to say. thank you for sharing this. Sandy

what a lovely way to look at adoption especially from a childs point of view thank you for sharing that with us bacardi xxx

Hi Ann, You are right, I think that is lovely as well. Thank you for sharing. Cya Mel

Someone sent me this today ....................... Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted. A little girl said, 'I know all about adoption, I was adopted.' 'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child. 'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'......................... I thought it was lovely.