Genealogy Chat

i have found my mums real sister is it against the law for me to contact her directly in my last mess i put birth mother sorry

I don't imagine it's against the law, but I would advise against doing so. It would be better to seek the help of agencies who deal with this sort of thing (sorry, I know nothing about adoption), as you could stir up a lot of trouble for the family involved if you make contact without getting advice first. Kath. x

I don't know how the Law views this, but whatever you do, go very carefully...............you don't know what you might stir up................. Her present-day family may be blissfully unaware of your mother's existence, and you could create untold problems. Reg

Victoria Your first contact is of the utmost importance - you don't get a second chance if the first contact goes wrong. Use an intermediary service who will know how to do this tactfully and discreetly. Type Adoption into the seach box and read the many many threads which deal with your problem. Good luck. OC

Try the Post Adoption Centre. They act as intermediary's and also offer lots of really sound advice. You only get one chance at a first impression and as an adoptee who learned the hard way, first contact is an awsome experience and needs expert help. If it is important to you, its worth doing properly. It was important to me and I didn't do it properly and it nearly cost me some wonderful relationships with natural family. Good luck Sue

Contrary to popular believe it's not against the law for birth families to make contact with an adoptee... or visa versa. However, it is highly recommended that you go through an intermediary. I would like to say at this point that I did take advise and used an intermediary and if I had my time over again I wouldn't... I have enormous issues with the way the well known adoption agency handled my brother's case. I was never in control and had to put up with all the clap trap. Just my thoughts :-) Cheers Gerry

which one of them was adopted? it makes a difference Why isnt your mum doing it? does she know you are doing it?

not sure where you are Victoria..... in Scotland you could contact birthlink as your intermediary or if in England then it would be NORCAP...... its not illegal to contact....the only person who cant do the contacting is the birth parent to the birth child.....siblings etc however can..... as OC says you only get one chance at the first point of contact so go very carefully if doing so on your own back..... I'd defo suggest contacting one of the above (depending where you are) and if you're in neither scotland or england then check online or give one of those places a call to find out the relevant adoption place in your area..... Jilly x

You don't say whether the sister ever knew your mother...................if she didn't, the situation will be even more delicate. You really must be very circumspect in any approach you make.................as other people have advised, the use of an experienced intermediary is much the best way to deal with it. Does your mother know you are doing this? If not, you must discuss it with her...........it's her past; not yours. Reg

my mum does know that i am doing this the thing is if i go to an agency to do this for me how much do they charge and how long does it take

PM'd you Vicky X

not sure victoria.....my birth sister was the one who contacted me through birthlink...... it will take as long as it takes i'm afraid.....will depend on how long it takes to find the person....agency making initial contact with her.....if she wants to reply or not......then the agency will usually do a follow up......and again will still depend on wether the person wants to reply or not.....

What an agency may want to see is all the evidence that you have gathered- ie her birth cert - and your mums Both their marriage certs, confirming their names now and the steps you have taken to get this evidence and made sure its correct the time taken will depend on what eveidence you can provide that they can work from, to an extent. and they will no doubt ask your motivation for contacting this person, rather than your mother. if you mother is still alive they may well ask her to contact, and help her if she wants to procede

It's not illegal for a birth parent to contact an adopted child... a little unwise but not illegal. I guess sibling contact is a little less emotional than birth mother and child. Applications for contact to an adoptee or a birth family member can be made through many organisations such as Norcap, After Adoption ect... however, they must be registered in order to be an intermediary You might like to read up on the recent adoption contact laws on www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk go to locating records, type in the area of birth and it will show who to make an application to. Hope this helps Cheers Gerry

Victoria, I was warned off contacting my Brother directly by his Adoption People and to do it through Intermediary.

thank you for all the people that took the time to reply

hi victoria i wrote a letter to mine and never had no advice from any one,i think i was very lucky that things turned out the way it did reading from the replys and advice on your thread. i would take there advice as things dont turn out how you expect hugs bacardi xxxxx

thank you to all

whatever you decide to do Victoria...please come back and let everyone know how you got on!!

i will do as the people on this site have been so helpful