Genealogy Chat

Hi It is amazing how common it was for a widowed man say aged 45 to wed a young woman who's only 21. In 1864 my ancestor Thomas Roberts who was 51 married my 24 year old ggg gran Mary Ann Walder and in the 1881 census he lied about his age. He was really 67 yet said he was only 60 whereas his wife was 40. Mary Ann died in 1886 and a year later Thomas gave his correct age when he was admitted to the St Luke Workhouse and when he died in 1889, his correct age was given on the death cert. A few other rellies have also done the same and were still fathering children aged nearly 70. No birth control in them days. Ben

Hi Ben I used to think the same until I started to read books about the lives of Victorian unmarried women. It seems that many lived in dire poverty, as the only work for them was menial very poorly paid jobs. Many young women saw Marriage as the only way out for them. If a woman wasn't engaged or Married by 24 she was considered to be heading for spinsterhood. An older man, especially a widower with a home all set up would be quite a suitable match (even a catch)! She got security and status, he got a housekeeper, nanny and lover! Don't know why your rellie fibbed about age though?? Love Alex

My grandfather married twice, although the age difference wasn't quite as great. He and his first wife were both 24 when they married and she died aged 46 He married my grandmother the following year aged 47, she was 32.

I have two cases in my family of women marrying men who were considerably older. The first (in the 1860s) was an unmarried mother of two children and although they later took the husband's surname, I believe they were not his children. I suppose a woman in that position might have thought herself very fortunate to find someone who would 'take on' two children and a woman of 'ill repute'. Sadly, I think this is something he possibly held over her throughout the marriage as certain things I have discovered indicate to me that it was a very unhappy marriage and that they separated later after having two children of their own. He was 17 years older than her and drowned in the local canal when in his 50s. The second lady had a much happier experience and married a widower with two teenaged children in the early 1900s. By all accounts the children loved her and called her 'mum'. She was my mum's auntie and it came as a complete shock to mum to find out that they were not her aunt's children after all.

But men have ALWAYS liked much younger women - nothing new under the sun! One of my old goats married for the FOURTH time at the age of 73 - to a 25 year old. She had the last laugh though - he quickly died and she 'forgot' to administer his estate for ten years, giving herself a very comfortable living as the proprietor of a flour mill. And I cannot help thinking that she maybe lit the fire with his Will...seems very odd that a man of such substance wouldnt leave a Will, particularly as he had 29 children!!!! OC

I think my rellie knocked 7 years off his age in 1881 to hide the true age gap between himself and his wife. She was 41 so rather than say he was 26 years older, he made it look as if he was only nearly 20 years older than her instead by saying he was 60 rather than 67. I think one or two other people have had ancestors lie about their ages on censuses for various reasons, and age gaps between spouses was no doubt one of the main reasons. Ben

Wow 29 children OC - well I suppose out of 4 wives the spread must have been over most of them - otherwise I truely feel for the wife who had to have most of them! As for dirty old men - I have a 39 year old widower who married a 19 year old - she lied about her age. But the worst is over in India where a 41 year old man married a 13/14 year old girl in 1810. Scary stuff!

Yes, I also have many incidents in my tree of older men marrying much younger woman - and lying about their age (on census, marriage certs etc). One of my grt grandfather's was in his late 50s when he married (his 2nd marriage) a 23 yr old - and he lied on his marriage cert about his age, making himself about 10 yrs younger! This was in the 1920s and there was a bit of stigma attached to it, so much so that the rest of his family disowned him, more or less. There was a lot of gossip going on at the time because there was only 5 years age difference between his new wife and the daughter from first marriage! Not so strange these days - my father's 2nd wife is only 8 yrs older than myself but I think nothing of it! On the flip-side of this - in my tree I have quite a lot of older women marrying much younger men! Especially widows with children. I've read that for some, the men saw it as a marriage of convenience - plus he'd inherit all her worldly goods when she passed away (and since women did not have a long life expectancy back then, a younger man would expect not to be married to her for very long, anyway). Athena

Hi I have the opposite to that, i have women (one in particular) that married men much younger than them, not once but 3 times! Scarlett.

I don't know how common it is but it does still happen. I remember when I was at school one of my friends had a very much older father. He'd been married for nearly 40 years to his first wife when she died. He was a doctor in his 60s when he married again. This time it was to one of the nurses in his hospital. She was younger than his daughter by his first marriage. When I knew them my friend and her two younger siblings were in their teens and their father was in his 80s. They were a very happy family. Their father was very supportive but it always seemed to me that he was left at home when the family was going anywhere. Sue

Hi Both my grandmothers married men in who where in their fifties. Both grans were 21. One of my grans died at 26yrs and my grandfather then married for a third time at 60. I can remember him as he lived into his 90s and was still having children well into his 60s. My hubby says men wouldnt be that lucky nowadays as much as they were then. Julie

I have a 54 year age gap in my tree. Mt g grandmothers sister was 30 when she married her 'partner' in 1896. He was 84! They had already had 5 of their 7 children, the first one being 10 years old. The last child was born when he was 87 and she was 33. Pat

Wow 54 years! Kind of weird to imagine someone having an 80 odd year lover before finally marrying them and having a couple more kids! Was he well off - could she have been a bit of a gold digger? Or was it really true love?

He was a butcher. Not sure how well off that made him! Pat

As my mum used to say 'You'll never meet a poor butcher' OC

My F-in-Law was a butcher - keeps you fit! Bx

In my tree I've got an 18-year-old guy marrying a 40-year-old woman! She was only 3 years younger than his mother.

Just to bring this up to date my Pa was 60 when I was born - (61 three months later!). When he married my Ma he was double her age and it was his first marriage. He lived a good long life 91 when he died but for genealogists of the future they could be really sratching their heads because if his first grand child (my daughter) lives as long as he did then just two generations of the family will cover nearly 2 centuries (182yrs!). He died 6 months after she was born. I used to love saying at school that my grandmother was younger than my father - in fact it was factually incorrect by 10months but hey when you are young it is a good conversation stopper!

My great-great granddad was nearly 40 when he married for the second time to much younger 22 year old gg gran - and their first child was born just six months later. Their last child was born 20 years later, in 1867, and in the 1881 census, gg granddad lopped 10 years off his age - he was away boarding for work with his 14year old son - I guess he thought it looked better for the census. On another branch Greatgrandfather Creek (b 1851) wed second time to a woman 25 yeras his junior (and younger than his oldest daughter) and he was 66 when his last child was born in 1915, and this last child is still alive !! Di