Genealogy Chat

Oh dear! That made me stop and think! Margaret

How much time and effort do you spend looking for dead relatives as opposed to the time you spend with your living relatives? M. Steer

That does make one think. When Mum was alive, I couldn't justify spending time in nearby Portsmouth researching, when I could be with her. There is still much to find out but by sitting chatting and looking at old photos, I gained alot too as she spoke of places where she'd lived and worked. The research material will still be there, when I do eventually get there but I wouldn't know nearly so much about my family if I hadn't stayed with Mum. Gwyn

I didn't intend to offend or upset anyone. A cousin rang me yesterday to tell me that a relative had died (aged 91). She wasn't strictly speaking a relative (she was the wife of my Father's cousin). It got me thinking. I only have one Aunt still living (she's 90+ yrs) I see her often and we 'phone each other frequently but I don't spend half as much time with her as I do with my dead relatives. Never mind the information that she may be able to give me, more importantly, what about what I can give to her. M. Steer

I don't think you can directly compare things in the way you suggest but you do make a very goodpoint - do we spend as mush time with the living as we should? I am now thinking very hard. Keith

It shows how much life is a balancing act... You spend time at work, you berate yourself for not being with your children. You spend time on genealogy research, you should be with your living relatives. And so on....... My mother introduced me to family history, because she had the bug herself and had a very strong sense of who she was and of the family of which she was a member. I started to enter her information on my computer for her over 10 years ago. And my daughter (now 28) also got the bug! So, for us, genealogy has brought us closer together. Every time I discover something about my mum's family, I have a quiet communication with her. It connects me to her, two and a half years after her death. And with my elder daughter, who is also obsessed (she is now doing her husband's family), we share lots of telephone conversations and visits to Records Offices. We recently went to London Metropolitan Archives together, and had a great lunch at the same time! My husband isn't quite so interested, but when investigating his Lamb ancestry, we paid a trip to Whitby three years ago to see where his ancestors lived, and just last month we went to Huntingdon Records Office to look at the Lamb family on the parish records. He and I have had great times together learning about his family. So I hope I'm trying to combine my present relatives with those who have gone before...

i'd rather spend time looking for the dead ones. they dont (quite) cause as much hassle as the living ones!!!!! 'nan' (long story) lied to me about people. sister not talking to me after argument. kids are at stage of battering each other.

You never miss the water 'til the well runs dry. M. Steer

Very good point!

A very good point which my daughter (age 10) reminds me of all the time. 'who is more important Mum, dead people or me?' I do try and do my research when the kids are at school or in bed but i admit that sometimes when i am 'on a roll' I have trouble leaving the PC! As for my parents, they live 10 mins drive away and i make a point of seeing them at least once a week. Family tree has actually brought us closer together as it gives them a good excuse to talk about the past (if they ever needed an excuse). I share everything I find of interest with them by email (most days). I also think it has made me realise how important other family members are, mine all live a long way away :( It is odd though, i get really excited when i find a 3rd cousin twice removed but i havent spoken to some of my 1st cousins that i grew up with sinse the last family funeral! :( Maybe we should all make a point of keeping in touch more often. I have seen some people do a family news letter which could be good given that most people use email now days! dizzy

This really is avery good thread Margaret, bought a lump to my throat just reading all the replys. I like many others feel I now have more to discuss with older relatives since ive become addicted to tracing the dead ones!!!, I also contact my mother more regularly with updates and breakthroughs, I think shes finally starting to understand my fascination, and i'm amazed that at nearly 80 what she can recall, often with prompting from me. I do most of my research in the day when OH is at work and the children at school and college, and then again late in the evening when the football highlights come on the TV, so I dont feel I am neglecting the living ones, certainly not the ones in my house anyway, but youve certainly given us all food for thought. Nicky

I haven't done much research for a while, in my view the dead aren't going anywhere so where's the rush? Did much more actual 'footwork' before it was all on the net and my children were teenagers - they were pleased to have the place to themselves and, as they didn't get up 'til 2 in the afternoon if I wasn't there, they didn't miss me!!! maggie

A lot of my research has resulted in getting people together. I have been in touch,by phone with one of my mother's younger 1st cousins,who is 81,and have recently found 2 more of her cousins,that I had wondered what had happened to them. It turns out that they are similar age,and played together as children,when people used to visit more,so I have put them in touch,which makes me feel good,as your friends get less and less as you get older,and for these ladies,who can now phone each other and reminisce,can mean a lot to them.So some good can come out of looking for dead rellies,as you find living ones along the way! Brenda x x

Bear with me on this...Small family quibbles lead to me and my mum and dad not speaking for near on 12 months.While at work a colleagues brother died and they had not spoken for 3yrs.The anguish and pain that girl went through brought me to my senses.I went to mum and dads and apologised even though I still felt the fault lay elsewhere..2 weeks later my dad died and I went through not only the loss but the guilt of the 12 months that were wasted.In Dads time he had wanted to find his family,through his mother dying he never met his brothers again as they were put into orphanages...My mum is so precious.All her family live in Australia.I have never met them.All we have left is our own little family which is my brother and sister here in England.Finding my relatives is a goal for me...I know exactly what you mean when you ask the question..And the answer is....You dont know what you have got till its gone.......... Wanda.x

I was challenged to find my one of my gt grandmothers - we could name 7 out of 8 gt grandparents and this led me to be hooked. My daughter is fascinated and I am encouraging her to to talk to her father's parents so that she can do his tree should she wish. It has made me slightly closer to my mother who fains disinterest in her family but keeps dropping out nuggets of information despite claiming that she doesn't know anything! She is the last of the family (that I personally know) who remembers all the 'ancient' Victorian cousins. It is exciting finding blood relatives that you didn't know anything about even if they are 3rd cousins! My husband would like me to do some research on his tree but quite honestly I don't know where to start with the name Smith! This thread did make me stop and think but as my family see my enjoyment and enter into it with me I'll carry on burning the midnight oil for the time being.

Every Christmas, whilst writing out all the cards, my husband says he must go and visit Aunt so and so. I try to explain to him that she would probably appreciate a phone call every other month or so rather than an annual visit - but perhaps that's just 'a man thing'. M. Steer

After reading your message and the replies it got me thinking and I agree there is never enough time to spend with relatives. However Genealogy is a wonderful hobby you can put down and pick up again at any point .. I have found Genealogy hasnt pulled me away from family but pulled me away from the TV . who needs to be watching daytime TV when you can be finding Great grandad .. My research has pulled my family together , especially the older ones , My Great Uncle John who I have never met, lives on the other side of the country who never have got in touch if it wasnt for our joint interest in the family tree . He had been trying to research his family for many years but being 75 he didnt have the patience for computers or record offices so had contacted a company to do it for him and they quoted him £800 to research two branches of the tree .. He was overjoyed to rip up the cheque when the next day when i had sent a huge folder containing all the information he wanted and copies of certificates ..

Your stories are so true, even though we are not a close family, by asking my mum about her family has prompted her to ask questions of her siblings (they do not speak often) and she has found out more about her father's wartime exploits - it apears he told the boys things but not the girls!! Maybe he didn't think the girls were interested - and they probably wern't at the time!. I have also been able to tell my parents about their grandparents who they didn't know. I have written to an Aunt who is no longer in touch with the family to see if she can send some information as apparently she holds a 'family chest' despite protestations from my father that she would not reply ... and she hasn't ... yet ... I am hoping if she will be forthcoming then this could be a start of the mending of the 'rift' which has come between the family. I like the idea of a newsletter, maybe I will send a copy of each individuals part of the tree with a Happy New Year card and see if that generates any interest! I am hoping this hobby will bring the family together a bit (especially if I can work out how to make a book or website on FTM). Who's to say we'd like our ancesters if we'd have met them anyway!!

Honey Bunny, You know....that's so true! I have often thought the same thing. I usually think of the most of the people on my tree as being hard-grafting, poor but honest, salt-of-the-earth types who always had a smile despite living in a cramped two up two down and working a 14 hour day! Some of them could have been horrible people who, if they were living today, we certainly wouldn't be going out of our way to get to know better. lol My granddad died when I was nine and I remember him as a lovely man who took us grandchildren for walks and who I could chat with about things I was learning at school. He seemed to have a broad general knowledge. He sang songs and smiled a lot. I was very surprised and amused to hear from one of my dad's cousins that 'Uncle Jimmy wasn't well liked'. Apparently, he wouldn't 'put up and shut up' for a quiet life and argued his point if he thought it was important enough, even though others didn't like it. Once, he apparently stood up at the parish council's AGM to ask a question of the committee about what certain (donated) funds had been spent on as he suspected they had not been put to the use intended for them. It was at the end of the meeting and people just wanted to get to the bar, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. If this is the sort of thing that made him unpopular he was alright by me! Amanda x