Genealogy Chat

Sorry I had to rush off this morning....duty called!

I too am glad that you felt able to share your dreadful experience with your friends on here Frank. I am sure that you are aware of our love and support. You are a very valued member of this thread.



Robert may have felt vulnerable but we have been kindness itself to him during your absence Frank. Isn't that right Robert...? We have even enquired about the state of his little shell.



As for baby showers.......what a 'to do'....I think we should give them a definite miss - they don't sound as though they are worth all the hassle.


Hey Frank, maybe your daughter's 'little' bump will suddenly turn into an 'enormous' bump nearer the time..???


Well, at least we have got rain of some sort - more of a drizzle really but enough to save me haring around with a hosepipe thank goodness!


No school run today. One is on half term and one isn't so we are all at 6's and 7's. Not good for me at my age



Off for a browse and then maybe I'll dust the bedrooms.........................deep joy.



Cx.

Robert

Really pleased to see that we now have both our 'missing' gentlemen back on the thread. Your absence has obviously been greatly missed as well.

Jeanie
xx

Hi Frank,

Glad you are back - I have been lonely and felt vulnerable without you.

One thing you can be sure of is the support you will get on here.

As Kiwibird says, we are real people with feelings and problems.

Good Luck.

I am glad you have joined us again Frank.
And I am glad you chose to share with us something so painful.
I am just so sorry that you have had to live with that terrible hurt for so much of your life.
But be assured healing will come from having bought it out in the open.

My daughter was sexually interfered with in a school playground when she was 6 years old. The perpetrator threatened to drown her in the school pool if she told anyone. We became aware of what had happened by her strange erratic behaviour. Ii was recommended by counselors at the time that it would be best if she forgot about it.
At 13 She started taking drugs and alcohol by 15 she was in trouble with the Law. At 16 she left home. Now at 24 she has turned her life around and has begun to undergo counselling in little bites to deal with what had been suppressed.
As a mother I have been to hell and back. watching my child suffer, So I understand Frank.

Forgive me everyone,
some might say this is not suitable in an open forum, but we are real people with real problems.
We are all on this site, because we wanted to find our ancestors and hopefully in the process discover more about ourselves.
The fact is our lives are messy , just like most of our ancestors. and I am glad we can be honest with each other.

Am off too my nice warm bed now, on this bitterly cold winters night.
Good night catch you all later. Josie

Hi Everyone

Frank it is so nice to have you back I have missed your humour,your story made me cry ,what a terrible thing to happen to a young boy.

I think all of us have had some sort of abuse in our lifetime, but at the time we did not recognice it as such.
With what happened to you and your talking about it brings it out of the closet so to speak so more people will tell of the shocking things that have happened to them.
It has probably made you the person you are today,a very nice man.

Baby showers ,All the ones I have been to have been good ,just lucky I think.

I had a nice day at the hairdressers today ,a spot of shopping then back home out of the cold.
We had 5c last night and 15c today,for OZ that is cold.

Over the sons house tonight,our 15yrs old grandoaughter has her birthday today,love family get togethers.
I miss not having kids at home,OH loves it.

Reece so glad there is improvement for your Oh !! see all of our prayers put together helps

Love to everyone
Suex

Hi Frank

Glad to see you back and I was really touched by your story. Just goes to show it is "good to talk". Pity we didn't do it way back then (1950s). I wasn't raped - just made to feel extremely uncomfortable by the 'groping' behaviour of a family member. However, he went the whole hog with another family member who didn't tell me about it until about 15 years ago. It had gone on for years. I was absolutely devastated. I felt that if I had spoken out it might have saved a younger person going through a much worse time than I. Thank goodness for Childline I say. It is not something that, even now, one generally talks about but hopefully you will see that you are amongst friends here, that a lot of people who may not necessarily want to recount their experiences do have an understanding of why you have retreated somewhat from contact.

Pop in here again soon.

Luv
Jeanie

Oh Frank..... so pleased to have you back (((((hug)))))

Now normal service can be resumed and we can banter with the best of them!! :))


Back later. Cx

Hi everone

Had a lovely lunch with a freind that I originally met through Friends Reunited, and now we are on another very small site together. I met her and 3 or 4 others from that small site when I was in London in 2008. Anne and her husband are visiting friends near Seattle, and those friends brought them up to Vancouver.

We met up at our house, and then we all went for lunch at a little local bistro-style restaurant. One that we go to regularly. Good talk for about 2 hours. Then we sent them off back to the US at about 2:30 pm, hoping that they would miss the worst of the traffic.



Frank ..... it's lovely to see you back on here, and thank you for feeling comfortable enough with us to share that horrible experience. I wasn't raped, but was subjected to what we would now call sexual abuse in the early 1950s. It was one of the teachers at school ................... and as you say, noone would believe you then so you just push it to the back of your mind. If you will accept them ((((((hugs))))))


I don't know what it is about showers, but I really would not like to go to another one after my experience!


Time for dinner ... cold roast lamb and greek roast potatoes. Yummy!!!


then mooch around on here this evening



s
xxxx

Hi all,

Sorry to have been incommunicado for so long but I have just been quietly fuming after the baby shower and not really in the mood for chatting.

We spent around £300 on the shower and £150 on drinks for everyone who attended ( I only had a beer myself as I don't really drink these days.) but I made a huge effort to be there for my daughter & her husband and didn't hide away in a corner.
The money didn't matter as like all parents we would do anything for our kids and wanted to make sure everything went well. I didn't expect anyone else to put in cash as I even paid for the wedding with the "otherside" basically just turning up on the day :(
At the shower we had a granny-to-be who wouldn't wear the personalized granny sash and did not appear to want to be involved in the silly games etc, weird since everyone else was quite happy to join in and I always thought that was the whole idea of babyshowers.!.
Also the grandfather-to-be basically gave me the brush off and vanished to another bar with the rest of the guys without even bothering to ask if I'd like to join them............I probably wouldn't have gone but as my wife and I had organised everything, it would have been nice to be asked.
Perhaps I come across as being too quiet which some people can interpret as being strange or stupid but it's no reason to ignore people.


I must admit that I am an extremely quiet guy but this was not always the case since, as a boy I was as chatty and outgoing as any of my young friends while getting up to all kinds of mischief.
At the age of twelve while playing golf, I was accosted by a man who proceeded to rape me.
This was in 1965 when paedophelia was not exactly headline news and at that age when a guy threatens you with a knife, you do what he says!
When it was all over I went home, had a bath and put it all to the back of my mind........that doesn't mean that I forgot about it as you don't forget about something like that and I can recall every second.
I did not mention it to anyone at all, keeping it bottled up for 35 years until a young relation was subjected to sexual abuse and while offering my sympathies to her parents and trying to help, I , was shot down in flames..........
"What would you, a man, know about how a young female abuse victim is feeling ??".......and it all came flooding out, much to the astonishnent of those present.

After the attack I had merely reasoned that by avoiding general contact with people, I would rule out the possibility of a similar occurence ever happening again.........and that is exactly what I did.
This of course meant that just when your average youngster is beginning to engage with others socially, I was cutting off from any such contact while looking after myself and only finding a couple of friends at secondary school.

That was pretty well it as far as I was concerned and I grew up without the social niceties that so many people take for granted.........
"Hello, how are you today, etc etc.?" ......the usual replies being " oh fine, how are you, how's the family etc? "
My stock reply has always tended to be "fine" after which I turn away to my corner and to this day I find it extremely difficult to engage anyone in conversation as I struggle to think of things to say..
So there you have it, I am quiet due to circumstances from my youth but it doesn't make me a weirdo or odd or anything like that.........just quiet.

That's my little rant over and I've had a week to come to terms with it all and I must admit that although I expected pretty much everything that happened, I really didn't think it would bother me so much.
There's nowt sae queer as folk....eh....I guess I'll just have to accept them as they are.

Any room in that shell Robert ?

Now then Anne,
That day out sounded absolutely amazing and just goes to prove that you lead a much more exciting life than the rest of us old fogies.
All those food courses and fine wines.......of course you do have to be careful about emptying every glass with each course on a meal like that as you can end up really wobbling down the ailses, did you wobble ;))
Come on Anne, could you honestly live like that with breakfast, cocktails, lunch, afternoon tea, cocktails and canapes, dinner, then same again the next day........most unhealthy.....mmmm

I'd like to thank you all for your thoughts but reports of my "disappearance" have been grossly exaggerated.

Cynthia, I'm surprised that you missed me as your aim is usually spot on ........... ;)

By the way, my daughter's little bump is still little and just looks like a balloon up her jumper..........she's tiny but everything is going well with one month to go.

Hi Cynthia

Well, we've just had a little dose of the wet stuff. Keen gardeners no doubt delighted. Nothing like as much as was forecast but thankful for small mercies.

Perhaps the usual crew are having an even earlier night than you.
Sleep well.

Jeanie
xx

Lovely to see you Reece and glad that the blood test was good. Keep that chin up and keep smiling....just let's see what Jeanie has to offer to cheer you up.



Gone quiet on here again....now I think I am getting concerned about Frank. It may be time for a pm....

Robert too, is silent.


Still hoping for some rain but nothing much as yet. A good downpour or two would certainly help the garden.


Well, had better get prepared for an early night as I have an early start on Tuesday mornings.

A very good night all. Cx

You may be correct Reece - but it's been a while since I read it. About time for a re-read and I'll let you know if I find anything about men and socks - but as that one made you smile here's the first para of the last chapter - according to the introduction there are 78 columns! Will not copy any more in case Bill sues me over copyright infringement. He shouldn't. I'm advertising his book aren't I?

"I seem to have been a little hard on my fellow Americans lately. In recent weeks I have accused them of lying in their adverts, not knowing whether their tights were on top of their knickers or underneath them, and being unable to recognize a joke if you put it in a sheep's bladder and hit them over the head with it. All true, of course, but a little harsh nonetheless."

Jeanie
xxx

Hello friends,

Thank you all for those kind thoughts and good wishes at this difficult time for P. and me. They do bring much comfort to us and are very much appreciated.

We're getting into the routine of twice daily visits from the District Nurses to give Peter chemotherapy injections now. This will be for 10 days and then a break and then back to the injections and will go on like this for a couple of months. Today his blood test at Barts was very good so we have hope of a good outcome.

Just reading your message Jeanie made me smile - isn't there a statistic here about people (men?) having accidents while putting their socks on?

Anne - what a wonderful day! That ship doesn't sound anything like the three I travelled back and forth to Australia on in the 1950's - but Orontes and Orion were lovely and very comfortable and happy ships. Fairsky hmm!

Will speak again soon.

Love,

R

I've never fancied watching Les Miserables to be honest - I think the title and the theme puts me off a little. I know that it has received rave reviews etc. but ............. I think I prefer straight or comedic theatre to be honest.


Sue, it sounds like we are going to have some of that rain too. We could do with it frankly as we have been warned that we may receive a hose pipe ban in the North West if we don't get some rain soon.


Thanks for the quote Jeanie.....imagine all those bedding injuries!!!


Right, off for a look round. Love to all. Cx.

Cynthia,

I'm here.

As promised:-

Recommended reading if you want a good laugh.

Start of Article 3 from Notes from a Big Country by Bill Bryson.
====

" WELL, DOCTOR, I WAS JUST TRYING TO LIE DOWN ...

Here's a fact for you. According to the latest Statistical Abstract of the United States, every year more than 400,000 Americans suffer injuries involving beds, mattresses or pillows. Think about that for a minute! That is more people than live in greater Coventry. That is almost 2,000 bed, mattress or pillow injuries a day. In the time it takes you to read this article, four Americans will somehow manage to be wounded by their bedding.

My point in raising this is not to suggest that Americans are somehow more inept than the rest of the world when it comes to lying down for the night (though clearly there are thousand who could do with additional training), but rather to observe that there is scarcely a statistic to do with this vast and scattered nation that doesn't in some way give one pause." .......................................>

If you are going on holiday and want to take a book I find this one hilarious.

Jeanie
xxx

Hi Everyone

We have been having bad weather too,it has not stopped raining.

My fire is going all the time now ,helps to keep the house warm all through.

It sounds liike you have all had a busy weekend,it is a worry re; Frank Reece and Robert.
Maybe the internet is down in Scotland .
I am like you Cynthia... Frank makes me laugh he has a dry sence of humour that is very funny,I too miss him .
Wayno does'nt seem to come by anymore,life must have gotten very busy for him.

I have to go out to the shops now but I wiil come back on tonight.
Love to you all.
Suex

I have just been exchanging pms with a very upset and annoyed person.

I helped her on her thread a couple of days ago.

I saw an acknowledgement from her a day later, thought no more about it, and didn't post "Thank you for acknowledging etc"

This evening she pm'd me to say someone had sent her a rather rude email complaining that she had not thanked me

................... she lives in NZ, had been sick and thought the acknowledgement on the thread was sufficient


As it was!


I have no idea who sent her the email that has so upset her ....... but I could cheerfully wring their neck!



Josie

......... sorry to hear you had bad weather for the 4 day weekend. We've been having rotten weather here!

We now have a couple of new months ............... Junuary and Mayember




s
xxx

Sylvia - sounds fantastic - I quite like madam butterfly - but it does depend on the singers a lot

I love Phantom of the Opera - saw it twice with Michael Crawford as Phantom - once with Sarah Brightman & once with Michael Ball as 2nd lead male. Then I saw it twice with Dave Willetts - once with Peter Polycarpoum - all wonderful phantoms & I cried at the end - then I took John to see it (he told me he after he hates musicals I could have hit him).
They had a guest Phantom from New York I think - he changed the whole role - very good singer but he had such a strong presence - at the end of the show I wanted to kill him myself.
Shows just what a difference an actor/singer can make to a performance.

I have to admit after all these years Les Miserables is still my favourite show - wish I could afford to go to its 25th anniversary performance on 3rd October - hope it gets shown on the TV like the 10 year one. Will save up and try & get the DVD. The music is amazing.

Well have to go - hope our other friends show up again soon

Cynthia - I think the party wore them out too much

Hope Frank is ok - unusual to have him missing this long

Evelyn - have you been out sunbathing all weekend & Josie hope the cold is better.
Sue I guess you have had a lot of visitors this weekend.

Will try & pop in lunchtime if I can

Take care all

Hi Everyone,
enjoying the last day of my 4 day weekend.
Even though I only had one day of sunshine.
It's been raining here just about everyday for the last two weeks and there is another nasty storm on it's way from OZ headed this way.

Anne words fail me, reading about your fabulous day and that meal!!!!! WOW. I am green with envy.

Thought I would do some house keeping in my tree, especially areas I have not touched for a couple of years.
Now with so much more on line I thought no problem, I can find some missing dates,

What a laugh,
One or two of My pesky ancestors, are not where they are supposed to be and I have had a most frustrating afternoon on freeBMD trying to confirm marriage and death dates.

So have decided to stop and go and watch a DVD instead

Catch you all later. Josie

Haven't heard from our friends Evelyn or Jeannie today - hope they're okay.


Robert.....how's the shell ?


Reece, still thinking about you both.


Well, I think it's good night time all. Love to all. Cx.