Genealogy Chat

Hi Wendy
Clearly this has been very upsetting for you. There is nothing though, to stop you putting flowers on the grave, your grandmother is still there after all.

I feel that you have to develop a philosophical view when it comes to family history. I doubt for one moment that the people who bought the grave thought they were doing anything wrong. Indeed, they may have thought that at least the grave will now be tended. That you have come along years later is not the Taylors' fault nor is it what they would have expected or wanted.

I expect we have all found things out that we did not expect and some things that have deeply sadened us. My own experience is that actual cemeteries seem to have disappeared in London. Also in Croydon a graveyard containing one of my relatives was apparently dug up in the 1960s to make way for a new housing estate. The remains of those buried were cremated so no chance of me leaving flowers at those graves or even the cemeteries. Yes, I am very sad, but not angry, if it wasn't for my research I wouldn't have even known how my relative died, the circumstances that led to her supposed pauper's grave. In fact, my research has resurrected her life in my lifetime, her spirit and as it turns out a photo, which I cherish.

As another poster has already pointed out, it is the memory of the person that is most important, not the grave.

Kind regards
Cheryl

Portland Rose,
I havn't contacted Crewe and Nantwich Borough Council something I will do this week.
I live in Birmingham area if I live nearer to the cemetery I would go there until the Taylors came to the grave ask for the right to leave flowers for my grandmother. The cemetery superintendent of Birmingham have told me they would not touch my grand fathers grave his young daughter whom died before him) is buried with him. They did comment on my grand mothers grave ask me not to disclose the comment. (it was in my favour)

I just wanted to make people aware those whom do not know like I did'nt it is really a shock and upsetting my heart goes out to all those people whom have had this happen to them.
If only I had known the grave had not been purchased 9 years ago we are my family are to late. .... If anyone from Crewe could help me by leaving my details on the grave please email me I'am to upset to go myself at the moment.
regards Wendy

Hello Wendy,

I few years ago I discovered my great grandmother was in a reclaimed grave. My mother was pretty upset.

Have you read this:

http://www.crewe-nantwich.gov.uk/PDF/cle_0713_cemetery_rules_may_2005.pdf

It appears Crewe council defines an unpurchased grave as a common grave. See point 56.

If I were you, I'd contact the cemetery where your grandmother's husband is buried and see what the rules are there. Sounds like you wouldn't want the same thing to happen to his grave.

Also contact Crewe and Nantwich Borough Council to express your views regarding Crewe Cemetery.

Rose

Oh dear, I do find this a most distasteful practice and sympathise entirely with Wendy. Equally, I am well aware of the cost of and shortage of land for cemeteries. I don't actually know what the answer is. My parents, grandparents and greatgrandparents are all buried 150 miles from where I live. I only manage to visit about once a year. No good leaving a note on the grave there, then, unless they just happen to leave it at the time of my annual pilgrimage.

However, can I ask if anyone knows (I am sadly ignorant of the way these things work). Does this only apply to municiple cemeteries or does it apply to churchyards as well? If there is already a headstone, would this mean that the grave would be left alone? I know that my g-grandfather (who died in his 20s about 130 years ago) lies alone in an unmarked grave about 200 miles from me. I have not yet been able to visit that grave (my half cousin found it for me). But he is in a churchyard. Is he safe or do I need to go charging up there shouting "leave him alone".

Wendy - thank you for bringing this practice to our attention.

Tina

Joan. Does not matter to me who! why!
Even so your missing the point it's wrong I 'am very upset and shocked. makes me feel really sad. WHERE DO I LAY FLOWERS???? no notice was given to us the family.
regards Wendy

Island
YES they are grave robbers how would you like it if you reseached your grand mothers life..... wanted to visit the grave with someone's family head stone on it. The Taylors asked for the grave. knowing my grandmother was buried there, With out any care of my family I am shocked they have wiped out the right of our family
to visit the grave, lay flowers, to a LADY I NEVER MEET. IT HURTS DEEPLY. no I do not have any photos of my Grand mother. kind regards Wendy

Shelly,
just read your reply taking note of all the suggestions putting them to my family.
There was no notice on the grave to inform the family something I had asked of course I did not believe Mary Slinn the head of Crewe Cheshire Cemetery told me they destroy all documentation after 3 years have no record of burial or who the family was How come she new my grand mothers name.. we can research our famlit trees going back hundreds of years Why this grave! there older ones than Grand mothers however still does not make it right.
Kind regards Wendy.

To All who read this.

It seems so mortally wrong and unforgivable no respect shown for the passing of loved ones.. how false the decision makers are.
Regards to All.
Wendy.

Jackie Thank you...... did'nt think of that one.
Regards Wendy

Wendy

I have just read your story regarding your grandmothers grave it beggars beleif. It it were me I would try and visit the grave on the date of the death of the person who was buried in 2001 as it might be the case that family will visit then or birthday/mothers day/fathers day etc and explain that your gran is also laid to rest there if you happen to meet any family. I cannot possibly see how they would have the heart to refuse you placing some memorial on the grave.

Jackie

in total agreement its all down to money no care that they are talking of your loved ones couldnt you do something in rememberance of your grandmother in her memory not that that makes what the did right but just for you to show her you cared

My GRAND MOTHERS REMAINS ARE STILL IN THE GRAVE.
The Cemetery superintendent will not past anything on she told me I would upset the Taylors What about me!!!!
If anyone can find the Taylors please pass this on where do I lay flowers!!
Thank you all for your replies needed to get this off my chest so to speak. kind regards. Wendy

Yes Meekcat I know all that the point is IT HURTS and the Taylors dont even know they have hurt my family. I would love to tell them .
I would not like another persons grave.
All because of £20 in 1948 my family were broke and I was not born.

Polly seems unbelievable no approach, no dignity, so sorry your love one and your family have been treated this way .unforgivable desecrated graves.

I have indeed written to Mary Slinn at Crewe Cheshire Cemetery of my feelings, I'm sure they thought Florence my Grand mother had no relatives that care. Shook them up a bit they do not care all it's about money.

So sorry to hear of your distress.

I agree with DET and consider contacting the Taylor family and make them aware of the situation. They were obviously aware that the grave was occupied so shouldn't be too surprised at being contacted. I hope you get it sorted.

Chris

hi how awful for you and your family cant you take it up with the coucil of where she is buried surley that cant be legal to do that to anyones grave we had similar thing happen when they buried my gran we had funeral for her buied her and a few years later my mum got phone call to say they had put her in the wrong grave they had only found out beacause the man that had bought the plot his wife had died and he went to bury her and they found my gran in the grave we had to inter her body and have another funeral the woman at the council said to my mum dont worry we will just dig her up and pop her in the right place like she didnt matter sorry for rambling but it makes me so angry to think that a persons life seems to be worth nothing

I do not know the Taylors I live in Birmingham have not visited the grave to upsetting for me.
yes I would like to meet the Taylors tell them my Grand mother has 22 grand children if I had got there first 9 years ago this would not have been written about once again what ever the law it is still not make it right. Where do I lay flowers!!
Thank you for welcome reply.

I’ve recently found out where my Grand Mother Florence Beatrice Swift is buried in Crewe Cemetery in Plot 252H she died in 1948. Having the help from a local Crewe historian a photo was sent to me of the grave I was shocked and absolutely horrified the headstone read
In Loving Memory ……… Taylor passed away 2001.
Unrelated to me or my family.
Apparently In late 2001, a request was made for a burial to take place in Crewe
cemetery; however the family did not wish to purchase the grave the Taylors ask for occupied grave to bury their family member……. Taylor (where my Grand mother had been laid to rest.
In 2002 the family of the deceased…….. Taylor in grave 252H decided that they wished to place a memorial on the grave.
It was explained to them that to do this they would have to purchase the grave.
My question is did the Taylors know of already of one interment! Did they know her name!
Do they think it is fine to wipe out the memory of our Grand Mother all for
the sake of money?
With still disbelief, grief, despair, how could anyone ask for another person’s grave where do we pay our respects to our Grand Mothers grave now! Take it in turn to lay flowers.
The reason for me posting this is to make others aware what they may come across.
I’ve since found my Grand mother’s husband Grandfather Harry Swift grave: Not purchased untouched in A Birmingham cemetery along with other member of my family graves.
What ever the law this still does not make it right in the beliefs of Christians.

My family at the time were not well off Grand mothers husband died in 1940 (what would he have thought of all this!!!) the house was bombed in the WW2 her house and effects were gone, Grandmother had no choose but to live in Crewe with her eldest daughter so they did not purchase the grave there income was very little and I’m 9 years to late.
I have expressed my feeling to Crewe Cheshire cemetery o the persons whom allowed this.
You can judge civilization by the way they treat the dead.